Foreign Places Becoming Familiar

Breathe it in

2012-01-25T07:30:00.000+07:00

that's what my heart keeps telling me since I've been on this journey back to Cambodia.

Breathe it in as I step outside the airport doors into the steaminess that IS Bangkok, Thailand.

Breathe it in as I wait at the bus station for a four hour bus ride to the border (following the three plane connections I made already).

Breathe it in as I step off the bus and am able to barter in Khmer once again.

It's a phrase that tells my heart - "Be still..."

I have so many more moments like this. At times, what my senses breathe in is NOT the floral scents of tropical landscapes, but the overrun landscape with the trash of man's materials.

Sometimes my heart repeats it's mantra to me as I'm peddling a loaned bicycle to a coffee date, and I thank the voice for reminding me to soak in the kids passing by hollaring "Barang, Barang!" (which, technically, means french person, but all Khmer use it as a general term for white skinned folk). I feel like sometimes being in a place like this helps a believer understand we're meant to be different. It's supposed to be normal for old and young alike to see us, encounter us - and point to us calling us different.

Soak in the conversation. Soak in the stories of God's faithfulness. Soak in the laughter of the kids playing with us, near us, on us. Soak in the breaking of bread... and spooning of rice... with some of the most amazing children of God and disciples of Christ that have made a home in a foreign land because Jesus'' sacrifice calls them to do so. Soak in the newfound freedom in Christ our khmer friends are walking in because they are on month six of nine months of learning to study the Word inductively.

Breath it in - wave after wave of amazing Khmer disciples producing more disciples. They would never hesitate to share their faith because they know all too well of a religion that says eternity rests on their good works, and now they've been introduced to a God that says He loves and makes the first move - and many more than that wooing us to trust Him and believe He is Good and He is Powerful.

Being still, and breathing it in is so tough. I know I didn't "breath it in"enough, enjoying the stillness and revelation that comes from an intentional "Pause" in your day when I lived here. Thankfully, when you're only in a place for a moment, you're a lot more willing to breathe it in and take that pause because you know there are only so many opportunities to behold the beauty the Lord has brought you to. Hopefully, the next couple weeks will yield many moments of stillness and the abundance of thoughts that materialize when I'm still enough to hear the Lord speak.

"You aint who you used to be...

2011-11-18T02:11:00.000+07:00

... it's terrible English, but great theology." - Chris Davis

I've been gone for a while... meaning gone from my thoughts... or gone from stillness that produces my written expression. I run thinking I've found stillness, and I've taken rest, but I think so often we forget to really delve into our thoughts - getting God's insight on our weeks - which is really what the rest is supposed to produce. Until we give God the chance to tell us what He has seen in our week, then we can't remember it the way we are meant to. And remembering - God doesn't make that command confusing. Book after book God calls He people to remember.

I think the last few weeks to months have been a roller coaster of being disheartened and encouraged through this feeling of not being accepted because I'm not who I used to be. I am thankful everyday that God has ruined me for the ordinary and revealed to me Himself. These revelations have pulled me to see that I love being different. There's conflict with these differences. At times I lose my friendships for weeks to years - depending on the sin in either of our lives. Once we change for the Gospel we can't go back. We definitely can't forget the grace that He gave. Someone told me yesterday, "you're so selfless." I'm bad at receiving compliments, but my disagreement with her was based in something else... I told her that I don't live my life being "different" b/c of selflessness... I do it b/c of the fear of the Lord and the grace He has given. The fear of the Lord says He's going to ask me what I've done w/ what I've been given. In my case that includes a "difficult" childhood/youth, diverse jobs (and the friendships and stories that go with), a college education, living cross culturally and internationally, learning from some AMAZING teachers from all over the world, teaching students from different nations and tongues, and so much more that He has given as gifts... Experiences and revelations of Him that are meant to make me different. For that matter - I'm single. That's a gift. Too many of us tend to see our relationship season as a hindrance to doing what we're meant to do for the kingdom. If I'm single and were to die today would God say - "well done," or would He say, "why did you hesitate to live looking to another season that you didn't know was promised to you?"

Oh MY - I live being different b/c I get to live the life He gave - I have been saved through Grace, and I want to live in a way that says this Grace was not without effect.

awesomeness

2011-08-09T07:07:00.000+07:00

So, this last week was filled with awesomeness.

Wednesday was the catalyst of it all I feel... I was supposed to have a "Daddy date." We've been trying to have these regularly since I came home - he IS the reason I came home, so I might as well hang out with him, right? Well, this week's date was a bust. For that matter, last week's date was a bust. Last week he slept in, and this week we ended up at two different coffeeshops. Honestly, whether I'm 30 or not, when I'm sitting somewhere alone in the early morning, and my "date" not showing up, that little girl in the depths of my heart that believes the lie that she's forgotten about... doesn't matter... is faithful to appear. I know these a re lies. I know my Daddy loves me so much and is just as bummed we keep having troubles meeting up these last weeks, but, still. Pain... or confusion and lies are so quick to remind you of pain before. I had forgotten my cell, so I was just sitting and waiting, and waiting, and waiting. My heart started rumbling up into my chest when a friend sat down with me. He was about to head home, but stopped for a hello. We started chatting... about disappointment, about attempting to always believe the best in people. He, too, started tearing up at the conversation of fathers. He hasn't spoken to his in 32 years. Last he remembers is being an 8-year old waiting for his Dad to pick him up. He never showed.

We got to talk to each other about God's faithfulness. We chatted about the people God put in our lives "make up the difference" where the "traditional family" didn't do what God created it for. We talked about being people in our families and friends trying daily to write a new story for those that will come after.

By the way, I got home to my phone with a message from my Dad. He, too, had a great unexpected conversation with a returning missionary from Asia. We both agreed we had been where we were meant to be. :o)

This conversation was followed by a "coffee date" with a young woman that truly inspires me. She always thanks me for hanging out with someone so much younger than me. That day she was "late" because she was living in the moment with one of the youth in her neighborhood when asked how the world was created. She got to talk to this young girl about God... and she knows God is running after this young girl's heart. My friend jokingly told me that she knew I'd understand her being late. Touche. Plus, I'm pretty sure age is irrelevant. I have so much to learn.

The next day I got to respond with a co-worker to a call from the FBI for victim assistance. The FBI victim's advocate said a 16-year old girl had been rescued from trafficking. We got to take her brand new clothes - giving a tiny little gift leading towards a new identity for this young woman. How could a day get any better?

"... out of their slavery, their cry rose up to God." Exodus 2:23

I'm too little for this

2011-07-27T09:08:00.000+07:00

That's what I've been feeling constantly for weeks now. I feel like I'm in over my head. I feel like there's no way that God is thinking straight to entrust me with these plans I'm attempting to pursue. I feel like I'm in over my head and this is too much.

He says, "You're right. I've given you much."

My friend attempts to encourage me, he tells me that this calling I'm running after is not for the faint of heart or those that need to be coddled.

I say, "It's too much."

Sometimes I feel like God says, "Duh." It is too much. I mean, He's given us the power to change the world.

More importantly He says, "I am with you."

What more could a girl ask for, right? I have the most amazing Father and the the most Gracious Lord with me always. Still, though, how often do we think that thought, "this is too much, and I am too little." I am not smart enough, or well educated, or... have a car. ;o) And, yet, you're asking me to change the world. And He is asking us that, daily.

Life in the in between

2011-07-27T07:17:00.002+07:00

One thing I relish in and miss from living away is the incredible opportunities to be present in the moment. Many moments would be the life changing... eternity altering ones. A drive around town would reveal person after person bending low to a statue that will never answer, an idol that will never love. Still, money is spent and incense is burned hoping that a statue will come to life and stand in the gap, stand to rescue my friends from oppression, and heartache, and disease.

In Cambodia we have dinner "early" and the night is young. We can sit around the table, or the front porch listening to each others stories, and the endless laughter or tears many stories solicit.

I didn't realize the gift of the life I was living. I lived well, but I don't know that I lived fully. When I say I lived well, I'm not talking of good food, nice stuff and comfort the world offers. My definition is living well is looking at eternity hoping today that I have lived in a way that will garner me more eternal treasures. I have experienced all too often the reality of this world's treasures being nothing more than that which will pass away. Still, though, I was full of fear at times. I was scared to really enjoy it there. I was angry that I didn't feel like God was taking care of me. I was saddened that my heart felt forgotten by so many that I love.

Still, as I sit here, remembering I am in awe and broken for the gift of that life.

That remembrance exhorts me to believe in God's goodness that says this season is, too, a gift.

I am being able to set together a place for the restoration of a girl's body, and heart. Many girls will pass through our doors believing the lies of the world, and hoping that we will give up on her and let her seek those "pleasures" once again. The "pleasures" she seeks are really lies of love from a boyfriend turned pimp, or step-father turned trafficker. But these men and women and the exploitation they push her into are the only thing she's known to be constant, and it may not be pleasurable the way we know pleasure to be, but it's familiar - and isn't that all too often what pulls us away from our Father -that that seems familiar?

Still, though, I know I'm meant for more than the world offers. After church on Sunday, though, I caught myself tearing up and stomping my foot as I shared with an older friend in the church - that I'm not meant to be different. I regularly feel so different than the world around me. I feel misunderstood and overwhelming to most. I feel people don't believe I can really be who I try to be or that God is who I say He is. I speak in circles of His love, and this amazing Grace that drives me to be "different" than the world - and that's fine. I want to be different than the world, but I break when I feel so different at church.

There isn't a "radical" way to follow Christ and the "normal" way to follow. Christ is radical. His promises are radical. Bringing His Kingdom here is radical.

I want to be someone that serves as a catalyst for "more." We all feel it - everyday - we have that thing that says "more - more than this... life is meant to be more." Then we get scared to let God bring more into our life by giving it fully to Him. More - the kind of more your heart can get caught up in - takes sacrifice. I know, it's tough to understand, but More that your heart believes in is that More that Christ offers. In that More there maybe less. Less stuff. Less free time. Less money. Less meaningless embraces.

Less equals More. The worries of the world will snatch away your slumber, or your patience or your Joy. The Less we care about those worries the More we have to rest in. The More we can be fully where we are and we can experience eternity changing in our midst.

freedom

2011-07-05T00:47:00.000+07:00

I'm sitting in Memphis, drinking a fresh cup of yummy coffee, and pondering the 4th. I'm supposed to roll out in about an hour to enjoy sun, swimming, American food, and family. Eventually, the night will end with a community fireworks show like none other. Since I'm waiting for time to pass by, I figured I'd read. With all of the options available, I'm currently sifting through the Trafficking in Persons report 2011. It's not a "page-turner" in the traditional sense, but, really, it is. All across America we're celebrating freedom today, and, yet, there are so many slaves - within our borders and out.

I thank the men and women that serve so well, and so unselfishly for our freedom. I want to challenge those not donning a uniform to take up the mantle of protecting those in your neighborhood and across the world.

Check out this for Frederick Douglass' view of Americans celebrating the 4th while slavery was a national institution What to the Slave, is the Fourth of July?, and check out the opportunities that exist now for you to join your voice to the voiceless.

Operation Broken Silence
Free the Slaves
Sex+Money
Not For Sale

Look to the right for more links, books, and movies to checkout.

Once we know, we have to respond.

a re-introduction of Christ

2011-05-25T11:08:00.002+07:00

amended

2011-04-28T06:22:00.000+07:00

Well, this is a lot shorter than the last post, and says what I was thinkin'...

The more I get to know Jesus, the more trouble he seems to get me into - Shane Claiborne.

adventure vs. complacency

2011-04-28T06:04:00.001+07:00

I've been able to have a number of great conversations lately, and yesterday was no different. I had coffee with a friend who's also been in Cambodia with me - who's led teams to other nations to increase God's glory in the world, and I got to have dinner with a friend from Hueys. She lives each day to love the people around her really well. She's never led a team to another nation or sat in classes about discipleship, but they both live daily in their "normal" jobs, and pursue their Father and the people around them in love. Both of these conversations ended up in a similar place.
What does it look like to know in our heads that God's plans are best, but the daily emotions - and the world around us - call us to decide for something different... something LESS?? Typically, this question really rocks us when it comes to relationships - and, honestly, that's the worst place to be ok with something less than God's best. Still, though, the world tells us to "just go on a date," or friends tell us to "give someone a chance." Weekly I hear, "but what if you just keep on going like you're going and you're still single at 40, and 50, and on and on?!
Thankfully, this visit home has been so different than the ones before. This fear to settle rose in me even before I had $$ for a ticket home, and I begged God to remind me of Him above all else. Since I've been home, He's been so faithful to do just that. As my first friend put it yesterday - it seems I've been blessed with the most perfect "transition from international missions to life in America" that one could hope for. This is just it, though... God is so faithful to give us an amazing adventure to be a part of when we follow His word. His word tells us to go to all nations, it tells us to fight for the poor, the orphan, the widow. His word tells us to heal the blind, and fight injustice. This life He offers is crazy full of adventure. This is not what people think a life following Christ could look like, though; churches have been teaching a message of "don'ts" rather than "dos."
For me, because I have been so blessed to have a glimpse of an incredible life of adventure, it makes me not ok with anything less than that. This adventure is not something of my own doing. God has been asking me to take little steps of faith for years, and now I've ended up here. It's not because I'm different than anyone else; at some point I had a thought (God helped me believe the thought) that told me God was worth being different for. Now, a few years later, I've seen He's SO WORTH being different for, and anything less than this would be not enough.

letting people below the surface

2011-02-28T02:13:00.000+07:00

A great glimpse into what keeps us from living life well together... She's not teaching from a Biblical worldview, but the freedom and acceptance she speaks of is what we know Christ offers us. Good stuff...

gratefulness

2011-02-28T02:08:00.000+07:00

So, over the last week I've realized I've been exceptionally grumpy. Since I've been home, it's been all too easy at times to think about Cambodia and life there that was so different, and life changing everyday. Here, it's "normalcy" at times that makes me wonder why I'm here. Plus, it's still tough to figure out how to live "missionally" when I have to go to a "real job" and borrow cars, and build into relationships that have been strained over time and distance. Still, though, I had a nagging, repeating phrase in my head and my heart - my grumpiness can only persist outside of gratefulness.

Over this week I've realized I had hardened my heart to be truly thankful for God's grace into my life. I'm not talking only about the grace of God that saved me, but the grace of God that daily sustains me. God's Grace is His gifts into our lives. Last weekend I went to three days of an international music festival - for free - God's grace (He knows I'm a music kind of girl). Last week He blessed me with amazing coffee and conversation with men and women that strive to be Christ followers here in Memphis - determined to love God, love people, and change our hometown. This is God's grace for me - I LOVE coffee and good conversation. Last week I had the opportunity to teach God's word to a friend - this is an ongoing weekly meet up with an amazing Mom here in town that I get to go through a great Bible study method with. This week, a friend committed to letting me have a place of influence in her life and be a part of leading her closer to Jesus. This last week, I got to pick up a bunk bed for the children of a sex-trafficking survivor I have the priviledge of doing life with here - in Memphis. This week, I got to sit in my lil sisters home by candle-light as the tornadoes nearby gave us the opportunity to have fun, ingenuitive quality time.

I cannot give up thoughts of Cambodia, but I don't think I'm supposed to. My friends in Cambodia gave me a glimpse of what it looks like to live life being fully in the lives of the people around you. It means calling a husband you know, and offering to babysit so he has the opportunity to pursue his wife. The husbands I served with in Cambo taught me that. Cambodia taught me to embrace opportunities to reaffirm a person's humanity and belovedness of our Father's that mask themselves as "inconvenient interruptions" in my day. The hospitality of Cambodians taught me the true meaning of living generously. Yea, you could say the life of Jesus in the Gospels shows all of this as well, but reading the words over the years didn't make it so real to me... God's grace through Cambodia taught me how to love.

This week God's grace has reminded me how to be thankful.

slaves

2011-02-11T23:00:00.002+07:00

My Father is crushed 27 million of his children are in slavery.

"Honor thy Father..."

2011-02-01T21:28:00.003+07:00

Well, I came home to honor the written word of my Heavenly Father, and the spoken word of my earthly Daddy.

I'm thankful for "home," and I'm excited about life here in Memphis.

So far, this is what He's given me...
I'm working with

http://www.operationbrokensilence.org/

I get to put together a victim's assistance program for trafficking victims in and around the Memphis area.

and this is why...

“Numbers” - Child Exploitation & Sex Trafficking PSA from Ron Dawson on Vimeo.

Everyday I think about Cambodia. I miss the motos, and the market, and my lil friends I was living with right before coming home. I miss my friends I served alongside, and, everyday, I miss my girls.
A handful of years ago a friend told me she thought I'd work with girls/women in my life... She said she thought that would be my "focus." She didn't know what she meant, I still don't know all the ways it might look through the years, but, as someone who didn't want to believe that thought before... I love it now. I had coffee with a friend this last Saturday, and she told me that she decided a while ago that she has stopped believing that anyone's career path is linear. I'm a full believer in that!

I know it's on our Father's heart to be a voice and a hug and a meal and some clothes for the girls that need an advocate.

Here I am, Lord, send me.

home away from home

2011-01-25T02:30:00.000+07:00

Well, I think it's safe to say it's been a while. I haven't even logged in to read others' blogs because I've known I didn't have the words to write on mine.
Life home has been good, hard, different, full of the unexpected, full of the expected.
I've been working at HUEYS, hanging with friends, teaching Ephesians, reading, laughing and so much more. I was just chatting with a friend that has just returned from Ethiopia. She mentioned that she's been processing with a friend at church trying to walk through what it looks like to not "give into the American Dream" once you've returned from a chance to see and live life differently for a moment.
The biggest thing that always comes to my mind is the call in the OT to write down the things God has done so that we don't gorget. We have to tell God's stories to others to remember who He is. Remembering who He is calls us to remember who we are in Him and for His Kingdom. That's probably the coolest thing about getting a chance to live somewhere else for a while - now I don't feel like I'm "at home" anywhere. That may sound "not so great," but the Word says that we aren't of this world. When I'm in America I think of Cambodia and have a heart embracing what's in front of me as well as passionately remembering my friends in my Asian home. When I'm in Cambodia, I think that way of America. My heart isn't comfortable with resting into what the "American Dream" culture has to offer, because I don't feel like I'm living for that...

This doesn't feel like home, so I don't want this dream.

I honesty want the dream that is doing justice, loving kindness and walking humbly with my Father.

living life when preparing to leave it

2010-10-27T22:24:00.000+07:00

oh my, well. I'm sitting on my counter in Cambodia, but I'll be posting this when I'm sitting at my lil sis' kitchen table in Memphis. I feel like I should write a little now, because I'm processing so much right now.

The phrase I put as my title is from a conversation I was just having with a friend. Actually, it's someone that called to tell me she was just blessed with a little cash and felt like she wanted to travel with me to Bangkok where I would catch my flight away from this region I've grown to love. I felt so loved. As we continued chatting, she asked how the last few days have been. She asked what I think of the days that are ahead. She caught me right after leaving a going away party that the rehabilitation home set up for me. That being said, hers was a loaded question.

I'm leaving for a season - a long season, but I feel it's a "season" none-the-less. I road-tripped it home from the West Coast with a friend from YWAM that has been living in CO for the past few months. I wasn't able to get a ticket all the way to Memphis, and ended up finding a flight with a price I could afford flying into San Francico. Considering I wasn't gonna be able to have an awesome "welcome home" sign and posse waiting on me at the airport, I figured I'd surprise folks back home.

I've been so blessed to call Cambodia home for the last 2 1/2 years. More than that, I've had Cambodia at the center of my heart for over four years. It was spring '06 when I felt like I was supposed to move to Cambodia. This beautiful nation in the middle of SE Asia has been my focus for years. I've had other passions lying in wait in my heart, but this is the place that I've been loving and fighting for for years now. At the moment (now I am writing from that kitchen table in my lil' sis' house), I find myself being excited about what God is leading me into... and a little confused about the process of releasing a nation that has meant so much to me. I guess, what I've told my girls, and my friends, I don't feel like I'm "finished" in Cambodia, but I don't know what continuing is supposed to look like.

I'm in my Memphis now. I took a friend on the "Rachel tour" of downtown - this includes rooftops and alleys, walking along trolley tracks, and crying at places of historical significance. As we were sitting by the river, I told her, Memphis is Me. I'm looking forward to experiencing how God will show me how to make Memphis my home again - in a way I've never seen it before.

loving God Big Big

2010-09-22T11:52:00.000+07:00

I've been able to have some amazing 1on1s with so many of my friends and players. I'm wondering why I didn't realize sooner that the rehabilitation home would let me grab a player at a time and take her out for hanging out and conversation. Oh man... I'm feeling so excited and like I missed out on so much.

Monday I picked up one of my players. She's so sweet. She's one of a few that have cut her hair short, and try to walk in the personality of a boy. So many of the girls get rescued and decide that they refuse to be a girl any longer.

Girls get taken. Girls get abused. Girls cannot be strong. I will not be a Girl.

They cut their hair, buy clothes in the style of the boys their age, and respond in the masculine way for their language. When I call their name in practice the other girls laugh that I refer to them as girls. I stop practice, and, sometimes yelling, sometimes in tears, tell them that I don't know their reasons for not wanting to be a girl. "But," I tell them, "God knows, and God made you a girl. He knows. He loves. He's wise, and you can trust Him." Sometimes, yes, I feel like this falls on deaf ears, but sometimes, I know with certainty God is getting them. I can feel it in my heart.

These girls are my heart in this place. Please, pray for them that they let God deeply into their hearts.

So, yes, I'm driving my moto, my player is sitting behind me. I'm heading to a cafe to buy us a lemonade and we'll go sit by the river. She's asking me about my life.
And she says (in Khmer obviously, so this is the *direct* translation)...

"Rachel, you love God big. You love Him Big Big. I know Him, but I don't love Him. I don't love Him Big Big like you. How do you love God Big?"

Me, I'm sitting on my moto, trying to weave through the crazy driving that characterizes Cambodia, and I have thoughts racing through my head. How do you love God BIG?!? What do I say? There's no answer for it, it's life. It's trust in Him and having eyes to see His hand in your life. Oh my goodness. These are the questions that make my heart soar... and humble me into remembering how small and inadequate I am.

So, we talk. We stop at the cafe run by Cambodians and I remember they're Christians (meaning they'd have a Bible in Khmer! YES!). "Auntie, you have a Bible somewhere back there? I gotta get this girl a Bible."

She tells me she has one at her house, and she can send one of her kids for it. Sweet.

So, we sit at the river. We talk story. These are the conversations I live for. I love how reality can change in moment because of God's grace.

Oh, how He loves us.

My thoughts. The kind that keep you from sleeping.

2010-08-18T14:18:00.003+07:00

"How could I ever leave?"

This was the thought as I closed the 3rd of 3 locks on my front gate. The thought was in reference to my girls. I was just able to coach little bitty girls - as young as 5 and 6, all the way to girls at 14 that had never played soccer before. Last night I was also blessed to spend time at the rehabilitation home with these amazing girls and young women God had sought out and rescued by name and by individual story. At the moment, I'm past the 2 year mark of my 2 year commitment, but I had already decided, "Well, what's the rush? I'll get home eventually." So, yesterday, I asked friends to not ask me for favors (I don't do well at saying, "No.") so I could make the relatively short moto drive out to my girls. I hadn't been there in weeks. Life had gotten me busy. Yes, I admit, I let life busy me to the point of not putting these amazing girls first. I pull up and girls don't know what to think. The first of many come to me, she grabs my hand, and asks, "why are you here?" I tell her I've come to sit... to sit and talk. Girls come around corners, and out of classrooms, and we sit on the stairs and do just that. One of the smallest girls, we call her the "toothless wonder," eyes an orange Sharpie in my bag. A few minutes later I have an attempt at a heart colored onto my arm. One of the other girls (she's a bit older - I think she should be 16 by now; I've known her for two years) sits in real close, holds my hand and tells me she loves me. This one started talking about the coming months when I will go home, and stopped talking. They don't like to let the other girls see them cry. She and I have already shed many tears over this day in the future that, before, has seemed so far away. Another girl, one of the "toughest" of the bunch - one that has cut her hair short, and responds in the masculine form of their language - she ran right in front of me. She reached to me asking if I was mad at her... mad at them.

This is their thought. I haven't been around for busyness' sake and they perceive they've disappointed, or angered at me. What lies of the Enemy, and what fragile hearts God has given me to hold.

I assure her that isn't the case at all. Thankfully they love me enough to take my words and apology and believe. I'm a sinner saved by grace, and every single time I disappoint those girls I feel it more and more.

Today, I returned. Two days in a row is something to stir their faith, right? They jump and yell to each other that I've come. Girls on a cement court, girls on the 2nd floor of their home, they yell of my arrival.

"How could I ever leave?" (nagging, relentless thoughts)

I get off my moto, and, as I stand, one of the girls see I've come dressed as a coach. "PRACTICE!!! SOCCER PRACTICE!!" She yells. This little girl - she's a comedian. She's always loud, and always simultaneously loving. She wears her emotions with every part of her being. Today I've come to start a team of the little girls - Under 12 to be exact. Cambodian children at eighteen are often the size of an American thirteen year old. That being said, these little girls - at ten years of age - are about the size of five and seven year old children I know back home. The ball comes to their knee cap, and they still attempt to kick with all their might.

There isn't much "might" in them. They're in this home because they've been taken, or beaten, or broken, or violated, and every one of them is hurt. Their bodies are typically not that strong, but, if they've made it here, then their resilience is stronger. The thing is, oftentimes their hearts are broken, and then shut into the confines of an impenetrable shield in the process. Well, they have lived in that shield long enough, and now is a season of restoration. I get to watch them laugh, and push, and fall, and get back up again as they play like children - the age they are, ignoring their life experience that is far beyond their birth date.

"How could I leave?"

Then I think about inner city children in the ghettos of America. I think specifically of the children in Southern cities that are still walking in the lies of slavery. They're still enslaved even though the fight for civil rights is said to have ended so long ago. They do not believe in the freedom our Bill of Rights and Constitution claims to have given them, and survival in America depends on you believing in and fighting for that which you desire to be yours. Too many times, though, these children of the slums of America do not believe it is possible to fight for a better life until their better conscience is battered into believing the lie of fighting for it through the mode of violence and drugs. Violence will let you take what you want. Drugs help you to avoid the life that you don't want. I have, for years, wanted to fight for these children to know they can hope for more.

Now I'm here. Now I have the stories, and the faces, and have received the hugs of girls that once felt that they had no hope but to sell their bodies and their childhoods to - not even the highest bidder, but anyone who would stake a wager... oftentimes for pennies on the dollar. I, too, have the face of a middle school age black boy that has already begun breaking the law - not knowing another way - and will go home at the end of a school day to care for the five younger siblings left under his "watchful" eye.

Where is the connection, and how am I to understand these two breakings in my heart?

The thought as I got ready for bed - I am an abolitionist. That's why I find myself, and take my guests to stand in front of the National Civil Rights Museum. That's why I love the movies set in the time periods of the Civil War, or Jim Crow Laws, or even Women's Suffrage of 1920. I always wonder at whether I would've been the kind of person who would have sat alongside Rosa Parks as she did not move from her seat. Would I have held a candle, and a hand out, to guide people along the Underground Railroad? The thought that always manages to follow these - I do live in a time of slavery. I live during a historical time of injustice.

Where will I stand now?

I want to abolish the slavery in the hearts of inner city children, and I want to break the chains that once held my girls captive.

a new season

2010-08-17T19:13:00.000+07:00

Life here in Cambo has been so different lately. Last year I returned here the first week of August. As soon as I got here, I jumped headfirst into preparing for the first ever School of Biblical Studies here in Cambodia. We had to prepare a house - cut back the overgrown yard, clean up the dusty house, buy beds, and shelves, etc, and prepare our upcoming teachings. I was also helping with the hospitality and finances, and continuing with coaching my girls. Oftentimes all of this together equated to me running around like a chicken with my head cut off. By June of this year I had finally figured out how to juggle those responsibilities and keep people first. Then, in June 4 of 6 of our leaders left for different reasons. One was getting married, one was in the wedding, one has a sick wife, one had a break planned for a long time. This left what we began calling "a remnant" around base. Fast forward to the middle of July, and two of our training schools have gone out for outreach or break, and there were even less of us around - about 10 to be exact. YEP - typically we have about 45 staff around, and the numbers were down to 10ish.
BUT there are so many fun new things happening during this season as well. One of our friends and staff is opening a cafe. Our landlord has just let us start renting another property she has - it's a 3 story building right behind the building we're in! This is perfect for our growing youth center and our growing staff numbers. Plus, last year we began SBS (the school I was staffing), as well as ran TESOL (Training for English teachers). This fall we are running two more training schools in addition to the 2nd year of SBS. Way to go, God, for giving us this new building right in time for us to have housing and classrooms for the new schools! Plus, in the midst of so many staff being gone - in Cambodia and abroad - he brought a few incredible teams to make up the difference! What a faithful Father we have. The volunteers/visitors over the last couple months have come from so many different countries! I think this should be noted with specifics because it encourages me every time I think about it -
*America
*Norway
*Finland
*Germany
*Rwanda
*New Zealand
*Australia
*Fiji
*India
*Canada

*Singapore
*Ukraine
*Korea

I feel like there are some I'm forgetting, but you get the picture. God is so good. Here are some photos of them working, and worshipping in our new places.

Bluff City Bound!!

2010-08-16T14:42:00.006+07:00

baseball, sister, and tiny little people we love. well, my sister is also a tiny person

Oh my, baseball, the Blues, burgers, BBQ... life in America. That doesn't even throw in the thoughts of niece, nephew, sisters, Daddy... an unending list of loved ones. Oh my for the bittersweet excitement of being States bound soon. I'm daily heartbroken that my heart has grown to love people in so many places - not even just Memphis and Battambang, but cities all over the States, and other towns in Cambo. My two year commitment to
University of the Nations Battambang came and went yesterday. I didn't even realize. We were headlong into receiving 80 guests for a two week long workshop when someone asked me how long I've been here. "Two years. Oh! Two years today!" Now begins a transition for life Stateside. Please, pray for my heart and my conversations to be everything that God would have it to be before say bye for a bit.

I'll be aching for good coffee and conversation when I hit the Memphis heat, please, let me know if you're up for sitting with me.

My Daddy

oh, the famous lil' sis. Gonna go visit her at the new job! YAY, Methodist!

life in the mode of normal

2010-08-16T14:03:00.001+07:00

So many times I debate wether I have anything to write about. I feel like I put an expectation upon myself that my posts should be challenging, and life altering every time. Really, though, how would that even be possible? Sometimes the things that change us the most are the moments that we realize we have to strive for being whole, and loving, and servant-hearted in the everyday. Yes, I get to be super blessed to live life a little outside the box - mostly just because the land my feet get dusty on is Cambodian soil. I think because I know of the love of the LORD that calls me to be willing to "anything, anytime, anywhere" and the sacrifice of people in my life to keep me in those places, I find myself being so overwhelmed by this self-imposed pressure to have amazing stories to share. After I think about this pressure for a while, then I get frustrated and, to top it off, I feel my English composition has suffered greatly after thinking in two languages everyday for these couple years. :o)

I guess what I hope to share today, is how much I'm hoping I'm growing in the faithfulness of the everyday. I want to be living well, loving, changing, every day. I think I made a post like this about a year ago, but, once again I have seen in my life and the lives around me - the amazing Jesus-and-people-loving friends I serve with - the need for us to live this life we've been given - in the strength of our LORD - not out of our own strength. Everyday we need to remember that pouring ourselves out for the orphans, widows, and the broken hearted will only be worth it if we've allowed our Father to bind up our own hearts, and allow ourselves to be found in Him. No matter where I am - or where you are - living life in the mode of normal - but normal being life changing due to the choice we make to be different - that's what I want for myself and others.

Jeevit's House

2010-07-23T13:21:00.002+07:00

look at what I get to be a part of!! YAY! thank you to the amazing teams & individuals that have already helped so much to get this home going.

http://jeevitshouse.org/

losing one's childhood.

2010-06-23T15:35:00.009+07:00

So, I have to be honest. Many afternoons lately it takes a lot to convince myself to be exicted for soccer practice. Any of you that know me - in America - know I LOVE baseball. I'm a baseball girl! I'm that girl that loves watch it - ESPN style, from the stands or from the bench in the dugout. Anctually, I better be on the bench b/c my team is batting. I'm that girl that gets really bummed if I leave a field without dirt on me.

Well, I'm in Southeast Asia, and with the life in SE Asia comes a life of soccer. When I began being a soccer coach here, I'd have my own 6AM practice and then coach my teams in the afternoon. God's grace was over me and my girls - b/c both teams were the two teams battling it out for first this year. I've LOVED getting to know my girls. I never knew that I'd love being a coach so much because of this incredible place of influence you're handed when you pick up your whistle each day. Still, though, last week was tough. I hadn't been able to coach in two weeks because of teaching in Thailand, and graduation for the school I was staffing here in Battambang. I've been having an array of health troubles. Finally, last week, the school was over, and I had some time. Well, I kinda had time... I'm coorrdinating outreach teams for the summer, and we received two teams - 28 volunteers last week! I missed my girls so much, though, so I donned the coach uniform and headed out. It's about a 10 min drive on my moto, so I was looking at Cambodia, and thinking about this nation asking God to help me be excited.

When I arrived, none of the girls were ready to play. None of them were even acting like they were wanting to play. I felt it was my fault. It's my fault I hadn't been around for a couple weeks, and trust with these girls is so important. They've been battered, bruised, broken, and finally rescued. I felt I had let them down. This was quite the discouragment, so I sat on the stairs and started asking God and my heart what to do. One of the younger ones on the team - she's 12 (or so we've thought), came and sat with me. We began to chat, and she shared with me about being sold by her Mom when she was 4 years old. She was taken to an island in southern Thailand and sold flowers to tourists from 4PM-9AM every night. She did this for 7 years - or possibly 10. It's unclear how old she is. As she was sharing, she spoke of missing her mom and loving her so much. I asked if she's hurt at all that her Mom sold her. "No, I need to help the family." That's what these girls think. They lend their hearts, their childhood, and oftentimes their bodies to do what needs to be done for the family.

I left that day remembering why I go to soccer practice... because of my girls. Because I get to love them. I coach soccer because it gives these girls a chance to be kids again. I get to hear their voices that oftentimes can seem voiceless among the masses.

this photo isn't my girl. It's a street girl that was begging in Thailand when I was there last week. Hopefully, all of us that see this photo can pray that she will be rescued as well...

oh the story of girls...

2010-05-20T16:30:00.003+07:00

One aspect of injustice that I’ve become intensely aware of since starting to live in Cambodia in March 2008, is the area of slavery. Many people are now referring to the slave trade as human trafficking - this is what it is - right past gun trafficking and drug trafficking is the buying and selling of human lives on an international scale. I feel like when we say “human trafficking,” we can sometimes forget the reality of women and men - and more often little girls and boys being bound and taken away from every aspect of comfort and normalcy, and being forced to work for less than nothing. Sometimes this work is typical labor that the rich don’t want to do - make bricks, hem garments, roll cigarettes, sometimes this labor involves daily sexual torture and rape.

I have been incredibly blessed to spend time with about 50 girls that have been rescued from the slave trade. I get to see them, and laugh with them, play, and challenge them to trust God and His fight for them - their bodies are rescued, but typically their hearts and hurts take a lot longer. Recently, though, there are two other girls - both have been spending the last 4 years in a local NGO - non government organization - most similar to an orphanage. Well, about a month ago, the NGO decided that the girls needed to be “kicked out” for lack of a better way to put it. The way the story was relayed to me is that the NGO decided that they need “new faces” for their supporters to see in their program. I don’t know whether this is the true reason, I really hope it isn’t, but that’s how the story goes.

One of the girls - Srey Laek - is an orphan. Many children in Cambodian orphanages aren’t actual orphans, but placed there by family that can’t take care of them. This isn’t the case with Srey Laek. Srey Laek has neither Mom, Dad, brother or sister. She is a 16 year old girl - that’s the size of an American 11 year old, maybe, and she has the reading/education level of 4th grade. She had no where to go, and was being thrust out of the one place she knew as home. I’ve been worried for her for weeks since I’ve heard their story. I love her so much. Somehow, though, someone stood in the gap for her. She called me Sunday night. She has made it into another NGO, and is beginning to make another group of teachers her “parent-type-people” and another group of orphans her brothers and sisters. I got to go pick her up on Monday night to hang out a little, and I’ll be able to go get her twice to three times a week for her to join soccer practice with a girls team in town.

The other girl - Srey Lin - had a family in a distant province of Cambodia, but the family didn’t want her or couldn’t keep her. After failed attempts by other NGOs and friends to go get her from this family, the family ended up selling her to someone in Thailand. This is normal. I don’t know when this becomes normal in a country or in the world, but it’s normal. We see it talked about in Psalm 10 and in the prophets that the rich buy and sell the poor for gain.

At the moment, this is the fire in my heart. I pray that Srey Lin will be rescued and will be back in our lives soon, but honestly, I have to acknowledge that the plight of Srey Lin is the plight of countless others. Well, when I say countless… they are countless to us perhaps, but none of them are forgotten by our Father.

break and fall

2010-05-19T10:04:00.006+07:00

one of those days I want to post more than a story, but not having the words that help me post something more from the heart... so searched the computer. here's something pretty old... from January 2006, but I'm enjoying reading it today. :o)

To God I give it all.
At His feet I need to fall.
In falling I find I stand.
His strength and His grace.
Brings me to a healing place.

Jesus has felt my sorrow and hurt.
In Jesus my heart has been burnt.
He wants me to know.
Without any doubt.
That all my tears I can shout.
Shout to Him every breaking I feel.
In pieces for His repairing.
I want to be put together in zeal.

He wants me to smile and laugh in His light.
He will embrace every bit of me with all of His might.

Oh, Father, I thank you for your sacrifice.
For my hurt you paid a price.
You don’t want me crying.
No more striving to be strong.
Through you I gain rest.
In your presence I finally belong.

Drinking Water Urgently Needed

2010-05-17T15:24:00.002+07:00

This is forwarded from a friend...

I want to make you aware of a huge problem that is developing at the moment in some parts of Myanmar. Because of climate change many parts of Myanmar are experiencing the hottest and longest hot season in half a century. It has been around 40° C (104 F) for the past 3-4 weeks and the rains have been delayed.

PLEASE PRAY FOR RAIN!

As a result many villages especially in the Irrawaddy Delta where two years ago Cyclone Nargis brought much destruction, many villages are running out of drinking water. They depend on ponds and lakes which are filled during the rainy season and usually last until the rains begin in early to mid May. The rivers and groundwater are salty and can therefore not be used for drinking. We received reports that in some areas many villagers are hospitalized because they drank contaminated water.

We also just heard unconfirmed reports (in the local market) that many people have already died from a lack of clean drinking water.

The only solution at this point is to transport clean drinking water to the villages by boat. They have boats, but not the money to buy diesel or petrol. We have decided to support one village of around 1,000 people for 10 days by supplying the fuel for their boats.

One boat trip costs around US$70-80. For smaller villages one boatload per week is sufficient but bigger towns will need two loads a week.

We already started to disperse money for some trips, but need help to give more. The need is huge and urgent. Would you consider to give?

Based on your pledges we will start to give money to villagers in the coming days to buy fuel so that they can go and get water. So please communicate with us quickly if you decide to give, so that we can go ahead with this operation.

Friends, please, keep this in your thoughts and prayers. Let me know if you'd like to know more or if you'd like to know how to give. lots of love! Rach

class time. fun time. road trip time. a lil mix...

2010-05-06T15:31:00.001+07:00

these are just some fun shots of all kinds of stuff. the book of Kings being taught in the SBS. Garth really getting into it! One of the girls from the rescue center that comes out to support the team. and a bunch of staff hanging out during our 24 hour road trip to Chang Mai, Thailand.

finals

2010-05-06T14:33:00.002+07:00

We had the final for the soccer season a couple weeks ago. I’ve been able to coach two teams at the rehabilitation home for girls rescued from trafficking and they both made it through the season to the final game. The team playing in the “small girls” bracket played really well all the way to the end and took home first; the team playing in the “big girls” bracket had their final on Sunday. The team we played against was the other team I coached last season. Both teams played incredibly well. The coach for the national team was there and said that he was really impressed with the level of football they were playing. Our Battambang province team is made up of almost all the girls that were on the field that day. One of the forwards for the other team had an open shot on goal right after we had just missed an opportunity at the other end, and their team went up first - 1-0. It was a bummer because we definitely had the first chance, but the girls couldn’t put it away. Shortly after that, right before going into the half, one of our defenders ended up making an “own goal” on our side, so we went into the half down 2-0. The defender was the youngest on the field for our team, so I was really bummed for her. Still, though, there was plenty of time left and really talented players out there, so we were going back on the field being optimistic. The joy the girls had eventually died out, as the other tea shot another goal and we were down 3-0. Our girls made a goal before the game ended, so we didn’t end with a goose egg, but it wasn’t great.

The best parts of the game for me was when one of my girls fouled one of the girls from the other team - practically jumping on her back while she was trying to head a ball. The Ref called the foul and the two girls laughed and hugged before she took her free kick. They play on the province team together, so there was just humor flowing between them rather than the normal frustration that typically follows a foul in any sport. At another point, one of my girls got a ball right in the face and as the play continued one of the players from the other team was the one that hung back and held her trying to see if she was ok. Again, it’s two girls that play on another competitive team together.

Thank you for helping me be here and be a part of these girls’ lives. I’m so blessed by their joy and their love and their stories they share with me!

the change that Jesus makes!!

2010-04-07T15:18:00.008+07:00

I just really want everyone to **see** this...

I went to Poi Pet, Cambodia (at the Thai border) with a teaching team in December. We had a great time... but there wasn't much teaching of the Bible. We taught a lot of English, and played songs/games with children, but not really the outreach we expected as people going as "Bible teachers." The thing is, God is so amazing! He's so amazing all the time, and, then, if we're available, then we get to be a part of the cool stuff God is doing.

Our contact there, Perlito, he asked us to go visit a family he had been trying to spend some time with. It's a single Mom, and two of her children are suffering from a disfigurement in their bones. Her two youngest sons, 8 and 10, have bones that bent into a "perfect fit" for when they sit cross-legged on the floor. When they were younger, they were being taken care of by another person in the family in another town, and they were left everyday to sit in one place, and now their bones have bent into that shape. I know, it sounds weird, but it's true and I even found this "disease" listed in a "Where There is No Doctor" manual as well.

Anyways, we spent some time with the family. We prayed for them; we spoke to the Mom about Jesus and answered as many of her fears in following Him that she would allow us to speak into. The oldest was named Cain, and I felt like we were supposed to ask if we could give them new names - names of life and newness. They allowed us to give them new names, and we left not knowing what God would do.

About a month and 1/2 ago, Perlito called my phone. He said the family had accepted Jesus, and the younger of the two is now running and playing soccer. The older of the two is now able to stand on his own for short periods of time, and walk with a walker for longer periods. When we met them, the older couldn't really stand, and the younger could only take a few steps at best. They are so excited about life, and they were wondering when we'd come visit again.

Well, like I said, God is amazing, and we were able to go see them last month. You can see the difference of their Joy and Light even through these photos! This is the change that Jesus makes! (hopefully, you can see the difference, but the bottom/last 2 are from December, and the rest are from March). Please, pray for Perlito as he continues in relationship and discipleship with the family, and pray for the continued healing of the boys.

teaching, teaching, teaching!!

2010-04-02T13:52:00.003+07:00

MAN! crazy week! This weeks starts off the third quarter of the Bible school here, and I knew I was going to teach Nehemiah and Esther - two books with historical background about 100 years apart from each other! On Sunday, one of the fmailies here woke up to their three-year old convulsing, and unresponsive. They rushed 2 1/2 hours away to a Children's hospital where he stabilized, and three of the 4 in the family were diagnosed as having Amoebic Dysentary. I was at the family's house the night before, and went over before 7AM on Sunday morning to stay with the younger sibling while the family sought out a doctor here before leaving for the hospital (didn't really know there was a good children's hospital around). Thank you for praying for this family... everyone is on meds and in good spirits. They came home on Wednesday, and the Dad delivered a great teaching today!

with the family heading to Siem Reap - so did our teacher for Ezra the following day. The child's father had been preparing for that book. So, I was on... two days before I was expecting - a critical two days considering all the traveling around I've been doing - and the studying I had NOT been doing. Nehemiah on Monday, Esther on Wednesday, and napped in the afternoon when it was all over. I never nap and the last weeks had exhausted me more than I thought considering I slept from 4PM til 1:30AM!! WHAT?!

thanks for the thoughts as I had been preparing. I guess God heard your prayers cuz the students keep saying this week's teachings have been my best... God's grace!!

Well, I don't teach here again for another month - Haggai and then Micah. Plus, pray for me as I prepare to go teach in Thailand in the next months as well. I'm so excited I have the opportunity to teach God's amazing word in this region!

are you willing?

2010-03-30T22:44:00.005+07:00

this is the question that was posed to me maybe almost 2 1/2 months ago now. we had a speaker from Taiwan here and she was asking me how I felt about my time here in Cambodia. Honestly, I told her I was "done." I have been attempting to be faithful, and I never expected living in Cambodia to be easy. The thing is, the parts that have been super tough aren't really the things I was expecting to be tough. In any case, when she asked me, I told her of wanting to go home. I told her of my heart for inner city youth that feel they have no where to turn. I told her my Daddy is amazing and I never really got to know him when I was growing up. I feel like I really want to spend time with him, and give ourselves time to know each other beyond the ongoing lines of email. I love writing, and I like to think I'm a communicator - sometimes over-communicator - so emailing works well (God's amazing like that), but I still want to have that face to face, laughing, coffee and conversation that email can't be a substitute for.

Still, all this being very real - in life and in my heart - I went home that day realizing that I wasn't willing. I felt spent beyond belief. I felt bitter towards god for how hard it's been at times. I felt scared of what being willing means for all the other things we hope for in life.

how can I not be willing? The last 2 1/2 months have been filled with God rockin' me. If I am not willing to be here... or anywhere He asks me to be... but I am a teacher of His word, then I'm a liar. If I believe Who is He is and His amazing Character that fights for me everyday; if I teach about his amazing Sovereignty that knew me before the ages began and knows the plans He has for me, but I am not willing... I am a liar somewhere in that equation. That's tough.

all that to say. I am. I am willing. At this moment, I can't imagine leaving. I mean, I can... I really want some Memphis BBQ, and a big fat burger, and I want to hug my niece and nephew - especially after hearing about her broken elbow and emergency run a few days ago. I like being there to run to the emergency room in the middle of the night for those lil people that mean the world to me. Still, just like an incredible friend told me years ago, no matter what I think I can be or do for people I love, if I'm not where God wants me, then I'm not serving Him or the people in my life. So, there you go. I told God about a month ago, that He is worthy, so I am willing. I held out and didn't tell my leader until two weeks ago when I was in Poi Pet. I was finding one-on-one time with girls from a high school team, and I was exhorting them, and challenging them, and realized I was being a sissy and not telling my leader that I'm willing to stick around in Cambo a while. I feel like it's time for me to think of this crazy country as home. I "Skyped" with and told my sisters last week, and of course, my lil Kaitlyn asked me "when are you coming home?" So, we talked. We talked about how amazing God is, and, that, He is.

teaching

2010-03-27T09:53:00.001+07:00

So, yep, my team was only an hour and 1/2 from our town. We worked with a contact there we’ve been able to send a few teams to. Victory Church is planted through a church from Canada and has been in the border town, Poi Pet for five years (I think). We were able to sleep at the church - in doors with mattresses and fans. This was a big blessing considering the weekend before I had been sleeping on a mat on a cement floor with three other girls and no fan. Our other teaching team was out in a place that’s as “village” as it gets - no electricity, no bathroom. I personally feel like I had the “hook up.” My team was just me “and the boys” as a number of people keep commenting on. As I told my guys when we were there - that’s ok with me. :o) I like to be a go-with-the-flow kinda girl and guys are good at that. the team was AMAZING. They all taught well, and served well. I just feel like I was so blessed. It’s easy to lead a team that just knows what they need to do and does it, ya know. what do they really need me for at that point, right?

We taught inductively through Ephesians and Titus. Our students consisted of people ranging from 15-55 I think. One of the older ladies told me how old she was and I’m pretty sure she’s knocking on the door of sixty. A couple of them are pastors and others were just church members wanting to join in and learn about how to study this Book of ours that gives us Life.
One afternoon I got to go walking with two of the younger girls that “work” at the church. They bubble with life and trust and love. I couldn’t get enough of just being around them and hoping that the way they love people, serve people, and accept people would rub off on me a little.

here are some photos of my rockin team - Teemu (from Finland), Bona (Cambodian), Dan (Kiwi, but YWAM staff in Taiwan), and Alex (American). as well as some other happiness from the week.

"missionary"

2010-03-27T09:41:00.005+07:00

you know something? this may come out strange to some of you reading this, but I actually have never really liked the word “missionary.” I fear I haven't liked the idea of being a missionary. How does that make sense? I AM a missionary, right? I think I’ve struggled with this idea a lot over the last 5 years as I’ve been with YWAM and wondering what God is doing in my life. Two weekends ago I was in Phnom Penh talked to some guy that works in athletics in Singapore (I hope to take a team of volunteers to the first youth Olympics in Singapore later this year). He asked me what I plan on doing with my life. What do I plan to do “after” this or as a career. He’s used to having volunteers right out of high school or taking a break from college, so I had to figure out a nice way to tell to him... this is my life. I’ve finished university, I’m creeping on thirty... this is what I plan to do. This is what I do.

The thing is, I sometimes forget that Jesus is actually what people need the most in life. No matter what I can do for them. No matter what skills I can teach them, or basic needs I can meet in a moment - if they don’t have Jesus then they don’t have hope. They don’t have eternal life. I always like to think about Peter and John before the Pharisees in Acts 4 - we cannot help but speak of what we have seen and heard! They knew they had witnessed and heard and lived with Life Himself and the hope that goes along with believing in Him. Many times I think about how I can help people in basic ways or “community development” ways; I think of people in my life that haven’t decided that they trust and love Him. I sometimes do my ministry - and convey it - in a way that will be accepted by those who don’t believe. I’ve allowed my desire to not offend my friends that don’t believe affect they way I share what I do believe. I love all the people in my life so much - whether you believe in Jesus as your Savior or not - but I’m not being faithful to Him or showing you His love in me if I refrain from being bold about who He is or how He saved me. Here, they don’t know His name, or have ever heard of a God that loves them so much that He’s the only God in all the world that has done all the work to have relationship with His people.

So, yeah, a couple weeks ago I asked a friend out to coffee and knew I needed to ask another “missionary” to help me remember that Jesus is all that matters and He’s what people need. If you believe in Him, please, pray that I remember that He’s what people need most - ALWAYS. While you’re at it, please, pray that my language continues to improve so I can share Him well. If you don’t believe in Him, please, know that I regularly pray that you will one day - and I love you everyday regardless.

these photos - just life. the lil girl in the bus that was so fun to take photos of. Coaching my girls... playing softball. The week of Christmas... I tried to see how many sports I could play in one week since I wasn't going to go anywhere for break. I LOVED it. such a happy lil break. oh, life as a missionary, right?

more about Poi Pet

2010-03-27T09:29:00.003+07:00

Yep, I was in Phnom Penh - the capital - two weekends in a row. That’s more than I have been there in a year probably! It would’ve been amazing if I just stayed there for the week in between... but that would’ve been too calm, right? I returned back to Battambang with the busload of girls a little after 1PM on Sunday, and was in a taxi with a teaching team by a little after 4PM. My friend, Ashley, is amazing and fed me a BLT and a home-made chocolate chip cookie during my stop-over. So, yep, Alex, Teemu, Bona, Dan, and I piled into a taxi. That’s how you do it here in Cambo - put two people in the front seat, maybe four in the backseat, and this time, the driver wanted his lil bro to go with us, so the driver shared his seat with his lil bro. I guess this has become so “normal” I forgot to get a photo to share it with you! Oh, it would be important for you to know that we’re not talking a Lincoln Continental or anything - wide booth type seats - it was a ‘94ish Toyota Camry.

God loves me a lot, and had our destination was only an hour and 1/2 away in the border town of Poi Pet. We arrived just in time for dinner, and were blessed to spend the next few days teaching Pastors, teachers, and church members from a local church.
I really love getting away from my town and having the freedom to “just be” wherever we are. You know how it is, many times, we constantly think of the work we should be doing - the tasks to be completed - that it gets WAY too easy to forget that the best way to spend our time is to be still and very much in the moment that you find yourself. When I get to go to these other towns, I have nothing I have to “run away to,” so I get to do stuff like sit on the floor cutting veggies. I get to “talk story” and hear about the lives of the people around me. I love stories!

the PP tournament... a story to go with it.

2010-03-27T09:18:00.003+07:00

Well, like I said in the last “entry,” this has been a crazy month or so. We finished lecture for the second quarter on Wednesday, 10th March. The last assignment for the students was due two days later on the 12th, but on the morning of the 12th I boarded a 45 passenger bus with about sixty girls. The next six hours were filled with an amazing amount of language confusion, a lot of shifting in our seats - 3 people in a spot meant for 2 - and plenty of humorous interludes. At one point, the bus driver just pulled over to a line of bushes and told the girls to file out if they needed to use the bathroom. Luckily, I actually love camping, and my family camped a lot growing up. Peeing in a bush on the side of the road “doesn’t scare me.” :o) The thing is, I, apparently, wasn’t paying enough attention because I realized - way too late - that I was squatting in a place covered over in red ants. If you’ve never had the opportunity to endure Cambodian fire ants, count yourself blessed. They’re painful at first and then itch like crazy. I got myself back to the bus and proceeded to get some of the girls look down back back and around me to get rid of this enemy of mine I never knew I had before the move to Cambo.

Finally in Phnom Penh, we were *pointed* to our room - about eighty girls (we were joined by more teams upon arrival) - on the 5th floor. It was 3-4 girls/mat, and by the time I made it to “bed,” one of my girls was fast asleep on my pillow. happy. The excitement, and the *comfy* bedding kept me awake most of the night. The next morning began at 5AM, and my heart was filled to overflowing watching all these girls from all over Cambodia get ready and bubble with excitement for the tournament they were going to be a part of that day.

Game after game proved to be a hot one dripping with the sweat and thrill of girls fighting through each game to make it to the final. The final four teams - out of 18 - were all from Battambang. My team ended up losing in penalty shots and came in third. The other team I coached last year won the whole tournament... with their best shooter on the sideline, injured from an earlier game. Our “room” was buzzing with girls being delighted in their job well-done. Many of the girls from different organizations have begun to play on the province and national team together, so it felt like they were all proud of one another and genuinely elated for the team that one - it was their friends who were able to take home the trophy, so, they were joyful. How amazing is that??

more wedding happiness

2010-03-26T19:13:00.005+07:00

computer??

2010-03-25T20:42:00.002+07:00

SO, yeah... my computer is pretty special. It has been for a while, but I can make it work... so I do. The battery life, well, is no life at all. It lasts about 2 minutes - sometimes as many as 5 minutes. Then, about 5 months ago, the chord stopped working as well. I could move it around, try and confuse it, and sometimes it would remember it was supposed to supply my computer with a lil energy. About a month after that, the chord wasn't having it anymore, and it doesn't charge at all. God is super faithful, and my roomie actually has a computer that holds a charge for hours - and her chord works in my computer!! For months, we've been working with one chord. 3 weeks ago - the CD/DVD drive on my computer stopped working, too. Good times. That should explain a little about why the blogs right under this are mostly just photos. I have blogs written, but I borrowed a friend's mac and forgot to save it as a document this friend's PC can read. I'll fix it sometime soon... in the meantime... hope you like the photos!

also, I got the opportunity to write for the paper again!! plus, they used my photos... go check out this link and read my article that was in the Phnom Penh Post..

http://www.phnompenhpost.com/index.php/2010031233496/Sport/bbang-girls-make-a-day-of-it.html

a little time spent in Poi Pet town

2010-03-25T20:31:00.003+07:00

this lil sumthin is also frozen on my hard drive awaiting the opportunity to come to life once plugged back into a Mac. I'm so happy God wants to give me a new computer!!

YEAH soccer in the Capital!!

2010-03-25T20:19:00.002+07:00

text to come... already typed it all out, but it's being held captive by the fact that I borrowed a Mac, and now I'm posting from a friend's PC. No worries... hopefully I'll have my own working computer soon. :o) God Willing.

the first Wedding of the Year...

2010-03-24T11:44:00.003+07:00

Goodness. It’s been a crazy, amazing, breath taking, heart-wrenching, life changing season lately. It’s also the hot season. :o) I have to admit, it’s been hard to see all those happy photos from Mtown and all my friends and family playing in more snow than I think I’ve ever seen in Memphis.

The second quarter of the School of Biblical Studies is officially over, and I’m sitting in our home/classroom all by myself. All the students are enjoying their week of break in different places in Cambodia. I think the majority of the boys are hanging out with the family of one of our Khmer guys, Sokawn. Two of the three girls are hanging out on a beach, and the third girl... well, she just got married over the weekend. She’s hanging out with her husband, and enjoying getting to know herself as someone’s wife. Amazing. These two Khmer friends, Phally and Samphas are two of the most love and joy-filled people I think I’ve ever met, and now they are going to live life together. As I think of how God has been leading them, and faithful to them, and changed them, and molded them - individually, and together, my imagination feels like it’s not big enough to create a picture of how God is going to use them.

So, yep, this past weekend, there were busses and cars headed to the capital with our staff and friends bound and excited to take part in the festivities of their wedding. About a month ago they asked me if I’d be their “photographer” for the day... I was excited for the opportunity (terrified as well considering a wedding is, ya know, kind of a big deal), but had to share with them that I don’t have a camera that would be good for something like that. We didn’t want to give up that easily (you can’t live in Cambodia and be willing to give up on anything that easily), so we all agreed that we’d pray and trust God to show us something. Well, about two weeks ago I happened to be talking to a girl from the States that works with another ministry in town, and asked her if she knew who might have a camera I could borrow. She quickly told me I could borrow her camera - and I could keep it for a few weeks to “play around” with! I love photography AND we had a camera for the wedding. On that note... here are some happy photos from the wedding.

life through the gate

2010-03-02T18:12:00.004+07:00

Well, just a warning.. this isn't a "comfy" poem, but something I woke up with in my heart about 5AM a couple weeks ago. I think I was just thinking about the millions of little girls in the world that need someone to fight for them. Well, that's your warning... and here's the words..

09 Feb 2010

Life through the gate

I look through the gate at life passing by

I think I’ve been locked in here awhile, but I don’t really know why

I think it might be for debt, whatever that is and whatever it means

i just know that I am expected to cook and to clean

“Here is your rice”
... I think I ended up here by the roll of a dice

I think there’s another man coming by

I see him down the street

one of the other girls told me about him him

they say it’s not someone I ever want to meet

I think I might have to meet him later today or this week

lately when he comes by, the Lady and he talk and smile as they look at me

Why did my friend tell me that I don’t want to look his way

it seems like he can’t be much worse than the rest of my day

I don’t know what I can or can’t do

I have bruises from beatings that the blue never fades away

I still don’t know what debt means or how long it means I have to stay

Maybe this man can help, maybe he’s the answer to different kind of day

yep, I guess something is special about tonight

the Lady let me eat and gave me new clothes

I feel like a pretty princess all dressed with nowhere to go

I think I see that man coming

Maybe he paid my debt and is taking me home

Wait, why are we walking up the stairs?

This is the place of all the other girls’ tears

well, January and February 2010 are gone...

2010-03-02T17:08:00.004+07:00

Isn't that CRAZY?!? How's that even possible that is already March 2010?! I knew life would fly by when I got back over here last year, but I had no idea it would go by this quickly. The only thing that makes it not seem so fast is the little constant thought of my sisters and their families back home. That would be the hardest thing to "not miss." Granted, in light of knowing I was going to have another rice-filled meal for dinner yesterday, I definitely thought of Memphis BBQ on my way to soccer practice yesterday. This time I thought ahead and brought BBQ seasoning and sauce from the BBQ shop with me. I've had it since I've been here and I just keep waiting for that "perfect time" to plan a little BBQ dinner. I want to savor it, ya know. I brought over HUEYS seasoning, too. I've yet to break that out as well, and am getting more and more excited as I type all this too you. I'll try to make sure to include you in the festivities when I break into all these goodies.

well, life here... it's been good. It's hard to know what to say sometimes, ya know. I think I just realize how easily I can let the up and down of life have a quicker affect on my heart when I'm here. It seems like sometimes it's hard to feel like there's anything that's just "normal" or "comfortable" here. Sometimes you just want a place that if everything else is swirling around... it's ok b/c you still have that one place that's still all the time. I've been trying to get up around 5AM-ish lately just to make sure I have time in the day to exercise and then BE STILL before the day starts. When you live with 10-13 other people (which is down from the 20-something of last year) you need to go to extra lengths to "get your heart ready" for the day. Honestly, it's funny how even if I'm here, trying to love people because I'm fully blown away by how God loves me, I sometimes "forget" to REALLY think about God in the day... not to say I don't think about Him at all (b/c I can't make it through without His grace) but I forget to think about His grace, or His sacrifice or His holiness... and I need to remember I'm really nothing without all what He is in me. yeah... so there are my thoughts at the moment. :o) sometimes... I feel like this little girl. she was my buddy on a bus-ride a few weeks back... I kept hoping her Grandpa wouldn't turn around and realize I was taking so many photos of his lil girl.

sweet friends

2010-01-18T21:04:00.000+07:00

dirty feet

2009-12-20T20:03:00.003+07:00

Outreach this last week was just what the Doctor ordered. We got to go to one of the borders between Cambodia and Thailand and worked with a Filipino couple doing work in a slum there. Over the few days we were there, we taught English, the Bible, and hung out with the kids and families in the village. They are so wonderful. The kids were so loving and so full of joy. Many of the families in the village have little to no work. They are often hired as day laborers, but they don’t have consistent work. One lady told me that they only get called about 5 times in a month. They are brick workers... a labor I’ve heard many gross stories about here. It’s backbreaking, hot work, with the pay being less than sufficient... to say the least. She’s a widow, and a Mom who has lost seven of her ten children. She’s one of many with the similar story. One of the men in the village was blinded in one eye during the war with the Khmer Rouge, and his demeanor continues to demonstrate the anger and agitation of a man with those memories. He’s one of the others that have to sit under the hut each day hoping they receive a phone call that tells them they might have the opportunity to receive a day’s wage for their family.

Still, in the midst of the death, the poverty, and dirt, the families here love one another deeply. The children, as young as 7 & 9 take care of the younger ones. They’re actually pretty amazing about it. One afternoon, I was making balloon animals, and being covered over by tons of children wanting their own colorful balloon to play with. The thing is, when I would give one away, a little while later they’d come back asking again. I would tell them I already gave them one, and they would tell me they had run to their homes and given theirs to their little sister or brother. There seemed to be an endless number of younger siblings.

Being there, in this little slum village, brought more understanding to my heart about what love and sacrifice is. Each day we were smothered with children of all sizes - many of them the size of Riley - my 4 year old nephew, but they were 9, 10, and even older. So many weren’t wearing shirts or shorts or, one boy, wore neither for two whole days. They wanted us to hold them, love them, and wash their feet when they came to us with cuts. I had so recently been in the hospital, and overall skiddish about being sick again.

Still, we all knew there wasn’t any other option... this is love... to care for orphans and widows.

Another thought that continually came to me was how dirty our feet got throughout each day... brown dirt all the way up to our knees each day. It made me think of the phrase from Isaiah that says how beautiful are the feet of those that carry the good news. Dusty, dirty feet - that’s what the Lord refers to as beautiful. Then another thought came to mind, Jesus told the disciples that it was only their feet He needed to wash. That’s what would get dirty each day. So, when I came home each day, I thought about that... I keep thinking about that. Even if I don’t live here forever, I want to think about that. I want to think about how really loving people well gets you dirty. I want to be willing to go into slums wherever they might be - dust roads in a 3rd world country or a ghetto in an inner city. I want to end the day NEEDING to wash off because I’ve loved people well enough to get dirty.

being sick in a 3rd world country...

2009-12-20T20:01:00.000+07:00

I feel like I’ve been so busy, and yet I feel like I’m just constantly doing all the same things. Starting the week of Thanksgiving, I was taking a referee class with the Cambodia Futbol Federation. We had instructors from FIFA - which, by the way, was nothing I eve expected for myself. I’m still blown away by the fact that I am this involved with soccer that I would ever meet anyone from FIFA. I keep on trying to ask God how I got the opportunity to work with these girls and be involved with sports along the way. Thanksgiving was the last day of the class, but I ended up being sick so I went home and was sick for that day and the next. I was fine for Saturday, but got super sick on Sunday night. Over the next week and 1/2 I was sick almost everyday, finally going to the hospital one afternoon after I finished teaching. My sisters were worried, and at first upset that I had waited so long to go to the hospital - it’s 2 1/2 hours away, so a big decision whenever any of us have to go. They finally figured out I had a parasite, so I stayed there one night (probably should’ve stayed longer) and eventually by the middle of the next week I was better. At that point we were moving into the end of this quarter and onto a week of outreach. So, we’ve just completed outreach and we have a week off for Christmas.

English class with province teams...

2009-11-04T15:14:00.002+07:00

life has been so incredible lately. The other day I was talking with a friend about more things we could do with the girls’ soccer teams. We started thinking about more ways we can build into their lives, and would like to offer some English classes of sorts. Many of them already learn English, but they never practice it - especially not with foreigners.

Well, that friend, Sam, and I scheduled a meeting with another girl to talk over ideas. As we were sitting there with our coffee, and chatting, Sam broke out with the sentence, “Well, as Director of Women’s Football in Cambodia, I agree with Rachel’s idea that we should be more holistic in the way we train the girls...” WHAT?!? Yes, he’s the coach for the women’s national team, and I coach girls that are on the national team, but I hadn’t heard him actually refer to his title that way before. I met Sam in 06, and I actually looked at him and laughed when he threw out his little title that way. He was named the national coach while I was home in Memphis this summer. Later when I was telling a friend about this little meeting - I was really just teasing about Sam and his “position,” but then I looked at her and realized, “really, that just happened?” How am I in a meeting with anyone that coaches football at a national level in any country!?!? How am I in a meeting about soccer at all - I’ve always been a baseball girl!

my life...

2009-11-04T15:10:00.001+07:00

Well, I know it’s been a while. I’m really sorry about that. I think it’s actually kinda weird, honestly, because I’m actually enjoying being here a lot more. I’ve been SO MUCH happier and overall just loving the fact that this is my life at the moment. Still, in light of enjoying, I kept forgetting to write, and then, when I would think about it, for some reason I felt I had nothing to say. How’s that possible?

I live in Cambodia, and I get to hang out with kids, and youth, and adults with so many stories so different from my own. Goodness, my roommate is from the UKRAINE!! The last year and 1/2 of living here was pretty difficult. I’d try to write the stuff people want to hear, and keep the troubles to myself, but I don’t know how honest that was AND now, when my heart is so much happier in this place it’s hard to share so clearly because I hadn’t been fully honest that it wasn’t before. You know sometimes you just know you’re supposed to do something or be somewhere, but that doesn’t mean it’s fun? Well, a good portion of my time here this last year and 1/2 would’ve been in that category. I’m not really sure why. It could be a million things - I was walking away from culture, life, language I knew and choosing to get know another. It could be leaving my family and friends in a country on the other side of an ocean. It could be that even with the huge blessing of being able to hear about people’s lives via the internet... I can’t hug them in their trials and triumphs. All that’s true, but what is also true is that I have an amazing friend named Phally sitting two chairs over that I wouldn’t know if I stayed in America. Why is it that in life so many times we look at what we’re losing rather than what we’re gaining?!?

That’s how life is for those of us that believe in Jesus as our Savior and God as the only one. So many times as we learn what it is to truly follow such an amazingly faithful, merciful, just, righteous God we have to give up aspects of ourselves and our futures that our eyes and hearts might’ve been set on. Really, though, why do we choose to look at what we’re giving rather than at what we’re gaining?!?! I dunno, I’ve just been thinking about this a lot lately I think. Maybe cuz I’m creeping REALLY close to thirty and have a life a *little* different than what I expected when I was twenty! I remember being in college and meeting up with friends from high school during different breaks. In my little group of friends we had people going to Carnegie Mellon, and cycling with the US Men’s cycling team, and dancing in NYC, and studying semesters in Germany and Madagascar. When they came home, and asked what I was up to, I allowed myself to feel so defeated at times because I just worked and went to school. Granted, I worked at a tattoo shop which I and many others thought was pretty cool. :o) Anyways, it’s weird to think of that now. It’s weird to realize that my 10 year reunion was a couple months ago, and I wasn’t there because I live in Cambodia. I don’t see myself here forever, but I’m so thankful I get have this season in my story!

I have a MOTO!!!

2009-09-20T14:06:00.002+07:00

I bought a MOTO!! YEP! That’s right. Actually, truth be told, I bought two motos recently. The first one didn’t work out so well. I went for a used, rebuilt moto, and, well the 2nd day I had it, it wouldn’t start. So sad. I was so discouraged. Honestly, I definitely cried a little. I spent hundreds of dollars… money that others have sacrificed for me to have, and I felt I didn’t spend it well. Plus, in the States, if I’m going out to by a car, or motorcycle, then I’d take a brother or a Dad with me. I don’t have a brother, but I would borrow some guy for the day – maybe a sister’s husband, and have a man help me look the car over. Here it was even more discouraging because even with the language I do speak, I don’t know how to ask about a motorcycle in this second language. I don’t have a brother here, or a Dad, right? I was talking to a friend, and she was like, “are you kidding, you have so many brothers here.” I was definitely just letting myself be all sad in my heart just cuz it was easy because I had already had 3 different Khmer “brothers” go with me some time to look for motos. That day when I needed to do something with my broken moto they were all busy. So, I had an idea. I called our cook, Rachna, (her and her family have lived with us since ’06) and I asked her if I could borrow her husband. It ended up being her and her husband that went with me. It was priceless. I had a Khmer Mom and Dad, and I felt secure.

Well, we got almost all the money back… God’s grace. Then, this last Sunday I went with a friend’s brother :o) and bought a brand new moto. That’s right. Brand new. I’ve never owned such a thing. It had 2 km on it. MAN! It’s a Honda, so I have a lot of faith it’ll last a while. Honda is Honda wherever you are. Here’s my… and your… new investment. :o)

Thanks so much to anyone that gave me so much as a dollar while I was home... or let me pick up a shift... or bought me a coffee so I didn't pay for it myself. Having this moto is SUCH A blessing. I can't even begin to help you to understand. Thank you!

YEAH!! SBS in Cambodia!!

2009-09-20T13:48:00.000+07:00

There are lots of fun things happening over here at my home away from home. The last couple weeks have been pretty full to the brim – a good southern way to say it is, “I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off.” Thanks to all those years of being raised by my grandma I have those kinds of expressions in my head as second nature. We started the School of Biblical Studies this week. This has been years in the making, and it’s pretty unbelievable to think it’s here finally. I’m sitting in a classroom with 6 Khmer, 6 Americans, an Australian, and a Thai. What an amazing place to be… just the way people think, respond, laugh, process all differently based on the culture they come from is absolutely incredible to be a part of.

On that note, I just asked a question in Khmer, and it’s so funny to think I asked and translated my own question – and that it is normal to say most things in 2 languages.

for my little KK

2009-08-25T18:01:00.004+07:00

Whenever I wear a happy dress/skirt that spins, I always spin for my Kaitlyn. It's one of her favorite things to do... and it's especially a wonderful thing to do side by side. Spinny skirts... so much fun. This one in particular wanted to float behind me whenever I was on the stairs. lovely.

gettin around...

2009-08-25T16:57:00.004+07:00

Well, a girl’s got to have a way to get around, right? I think I told a few of you that I was thinking about buying a moto. A moto is 125hp moped. While I was leading a team here (last year – Mar  May) we hailed “moto-dopes” for the 5 months. Our guidelines as U of N in Cambodia ask outreach teams not to drive motos. It’s too much to get used to, and teams were having accidents a lot. BUT one day when we were in Burma our translator told me he had gotten 4 motos to take us up to visit some hill-tribes in the mountains… and then proceeded to ask me whom on my team was going to drive two of the four motos (I had assumed that drivers were included). Well, one of those drivers ended up being me, and I drove a moto with no working horn, lights, speedometer, gas guage, or blinkers through some rice paddies, muddy villages and up a mountain in the rain. I was pretty much regularly terrified on this fateful afternoon. At one point, my translator and the other two motos just left me behind, the moto died and I was sitting on the ridge of a mountain, looking at immense beauty, but alarmed that I saw no sign of life and was chillin solo in a communist country that isn’t totally fond of America.

Well, that experience had left a little scar on my heart, but I finally started borrowing motos about two months after I started staffing in Battambang. Borrowing motos, hailing moto-dopes, or hoping to find a working bicycle at our house was my “normal transport” for this last year. Now, I’m debating. I’ll be daily “commuting” to the new house we’re renting about 5 miles away, so I was just thinking about buying a bicycle. The thing is, I also coach soccer 3-4 times a week and the girls’ rescue house, as well as the field, is about a 30 min bicycle ride away so I always like to borrow a moto for those trips.

Anyways, this is my debate right now (buy a moto or not) so I thought I’d share photos of my possible transportation…
The rather large motorcycle is my friend Alissa’s. That’s the one I normally borrow, and, since she’s in the States right now, that’s what I’ve been driving since I got back. :o) The smaller moped is similar to what I’d like to get. I’d probably get a less “souped up” bicycle, but you get the idea… and for real, with these photos... I was just having a little fun. That's my friend Samphas (Sampoa) posing as a "moto-dope" for me. He's staffing the SBS with me.

Music - the sound of my heart

2009-08-25T16:48:00.001+07:00

Conversing without words

Emotion shared between strangers

Languages not known

A heart-to-heart all our own

I’ve been saying for a while now that I’ve found another love in the depths of my heart for music. Growing up in Memphis trained me to listen and sway with whatever beats are being shared. Memphis is Home of Rock in Roll, Home of the Blues, and home of my heart. Nothing can compete with the peace, love, and excitement that swells in my heart when listening to a blues jam band belting out in the middle of an afternoon from a park on Beale. Music meets you in the silent places. There are those places in your heart that need to be expressed, but words are failing. Sometimes it’s the only comfort you can find, the only expression of home available in whatever moment you find yourself as life seems to be so far away. It can make you feel whole. Now and again I sit to write, and attempt to articulate the hidden thoughts exhausting my heart, but the words are missing. Music hits you because even when words seem absent to your own heart, someone, somewhere has found them and written their ode to you already.

Just now I was talking to a friend about the medicine that is music. Even when people don’t speak the same language, music creates an environment for conversation that can be understood in deep parts of your soul without the use of words. On that note, I have come across music that is exceptionally hard to identify with and enjoy, but, for the moment I’m speaking very positively. :o) The chanting and strange musical sounds coming over loud speakers for Buddhist funerals and weddings (starting at 4AM most times) would be my personal exception to this genuine concept of music traversing cultural and language barriers.

I remember the first time I came here. My team and I were visiting the orphanage around the corner from our house, and we were hanging out at the house that they have for children that are disabled. Many of these children are injured from landmines, and their bodies and injuries show proof of that. This one girl I was trying to hang out with was mostly physically fine, but she was blind. She’s an incredible teenage girl with a sharp wit and a beautiful laugh. She asked if she could sing for me. She exudes so much life, so much joy; she’s an orphaned girl with so much perception to see in another’s heart without the use of sight at all. We sat on the steps of her house taking turns singing for one another (in two different languages). Still, when I returned last year, she remembered sitting with me, and singing.

back at home in SE Asia!!

2009-08-12T15:44:00.003+07:00

I’m sitting at the YWAM Thailand national office in Bangkok. I arrived from Memphis (technically Tokyo) at about 11PM last night… got here to the office a little after midnight. When I arrived I was immediately helped by some Thai guys that were on a team that I facilitated in Battambang in March/April. It was so amazing to see such familiar faces… and be helped by such hospitable people. They started to tell me, “your friend, from Cambodia, she play soccer, too… she’s here.” It was so wonderful to walk into my room for the night and talk to an old friend til late in the night. She told me about her excitement for going home, and all the fun stuff that happened at our house in Battambang over the summer. It actually ended up being a real blessing when I arrived back home and didn’t get to spend time with friends right away. We were hosting the all Cambodia staff retreat and the house was busy in all different places. Thanks so much to all of you that were so encouraging and a blast to hang out with over the summer. Now that I’m back here after a little break I feel so refreshed and am living with such a new excitement for my time here

here's some fun photos of back home in Memphis... there will be more to come...

summer in memphis

2009-07-21T05:58:00.003+07:00

This summer has FLOWN by. Honestly, I feel like I could write endless pages of all the wonderful things I've been able to do. So many things on the list would be things like "saw shooting stars in Shelby Farms," "played in pool with Kaitlyn and Riley," "sat at Christina's new house and watched movie with her and Jose." They all seem like pretty "normal" things, but I think I've failed being surprised about how these "normal" things start meaning so much to me while I'm away - and as I'm less than two weeks from leaving again. My friends in Cambodia couldn't tell you the number of times they've heard about my sisters, or the kids, or my friends. I now know for sure that I honestly fell like it's bittersweet to be in either place. No matter where I am I think about the faces and hearts in the other places that have come to mean so much. I guess it's an amazing thing to have people in different places that mean so much. Hopefully, it means I'm living life to the fullest wherever I am b/c I realize that the time there is a gift.

Photos... sittin at Cracker Barrel with Christopher and Jonathan.

Charlotte and I with Aunt Dee, and Cousin Rebecca - pretty sure I was 12 the last time I saw them!!

Father's Day at his church. Nice present, I guess. :o)

Kate's wedding... great picture with tiner

what's in memphis?

2009-06-04T23:39:00.003+07:00

Everyone keeps asking me what I do here... in Memphis while I'm home. Well, hanging with anyone and everyone that wants to call (and possibly give me a ride) :o). I want to have coffee dates, and play softball, and eat BBQ. I want to go on walks downtown and play in Shelby farms. I think I've managed to do all of this at least once, but I know there's so much more where all of this is coming from. I'm working at Hueys as always - they're such a great company and welcomes me back with open arms no matter how many times I leave and return. I'm playing in pools with small children - more than just kaitlyn and Riley which has been an unexpected blessing. I made it home just in time for two best friend's weddings - the same day - and I was a maid of honor in one. how does that happen?? pretty much cuz God is awesome. Here are som fun photos of the time here so far...

the bluff city

2009-06-04T23:23:00.002+07:00

back in April I was hoping and praying everyday to get home. when I left memphis Dec 07 I had planned on being home for April and May this year. A friend said she'd save while I was gone, and get me home (what an amazing friend). Well, the economy troubles hit her just like everyone else, and she had the difficult task of writing to tell me she couldn't get me home. I was heart broken. I love Cambodia. I love what I get to do, but I was homesick. I wanted to be around those people that God's put in my life that have shaped me and molded me by their love and influence. I wanted to be in a place that had always been home, not just the new home God's blessed me in this particular season of following Him. Memphis reminds me who I am, and sometimes I feel like I forget or lose it a little bit as the distance and time grows in these adventures. I gain so much into myself through the experience of other cultures and lives that are so different from what we know, but I never want to forget the roots that God has given me in and among people who make family in the midst of people that may or may not be their actual brothers and sisters... moms and dads. That's what I have in Memphis. Family that we've chosen for ourselves when the world has battled against the ones we were born into... or, sometimes, we help each other to fight for the family that we are born into b/c many times others can help you to see the beauty in the things you take for granted. Anyways, God blew me away... again... like always and put it on some friends hearts to help me to be in this place again. I'm here for the summer, and I'm loving every moment of it.

meet Srey Laek...

2009-04-01T16:29:00.001+07:00

Last week, I arrived at the orphanage I coach at, and one of my girls told me that another girl was taken away. She was telling me that the girl’s mother came and took her back to their province. I think I’ve shared before about how some of the children in orphanages are orphans, and some are taken to the orphanage by family members who want them to have a better life than they would be able to provide.

Well, this little girl is at the orphanage with her two younger siblings, and her Mom had come to take her back. I didn’t understand all of it, but the other teammate telling me about it all was very sad and upset about it all. I had so many thoughts in my heart and mind. I coach the other team of girls in the rescue house, and I started worrying that this little girl had been taken back to a home that would be high risk for being trafficked. Well, that was Monday afternoon, and Tuesday afternoon my girls were still sad and worried for their friend. Wednesday morning, though, I’m beginning to type out a text message to a friend about the situation, and one of my housemates tell me there’s a little girl downstairs. I walk down the stairs and she runs at me. She yelled my name, ran, and didn’t let go. I was awestruck. “What happened?? Is she ok? Is she back for good, or did she run away?” There was a flood of uncertainty giving way to concern in my mind. Finally, she held my hand and led me to a table in our front yard. As she started sharing with my friend and I, we thought that she had been pulled out of school and was moving to a province far away. We prayed for her – for her heart, for her safety, for her schooling, and friendships. She continued to sit there so quietly, and saddened. Finally we were sharing more, and understood that she had already gone away, but was now back and everything was ok. WHAT?! That’s great, but, really, we were so confused! Goodness, important conversations in a second language! :o)

Still, as we sat there, I kept thinking… she came to my house at 8:30AM – she hadn’t even stopped and talked to her friends at the orphanage. She returned, dropped her stuff near the bike racks at the orphanage, and headed over. Why had she been so scared, and, really, God… she came here?! She came to our house, and even came back the next morning as well. She said that she didn’t like sitting at the orphanage, but liked the way it felt to sit at our house and be close to us. How do we have these opportunities?

Lately I’ve been questioning being here so much… wanting to run away when it’s tough to stay… or just wanting to be back “home.” Then, out of nowhere I have a little girl run at me and seek comfort in our company and home. I know it’s because there’s the peace of the LORD here, and it’s Him that’s drawing close to her heart.
I thank all of you for being those people that I can run to, and for praying for me as I try to be someone others can run to. I thank you for helping me to be here, and encouraging me in all you say and do.

Here we are that morning in my front yard…

people

2009-04-01T16:23:00.002+07:00

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about people. This is obviously a good thing considering we should be loving God and loving people, but I’ve been wondering lately… I wake up, and work hard, but am I loving people or working? One would think that a “missionary” wouldn’t be confused about this sometimes grey line, but I’ll tell you – I daily allow myself to slip into working more than I am loving. I forget that loving people is being available to them, serving them, being generous, stopping on the side of the road and talking – even if you’re walking or driving that road because “you have somewhere to go.” We are busy everyday. There are meetings with leaders, staff, other NGOS, soccer practices, studying Khmer, etc… but in all of this – where are the people. Yes, if I’m meeting with people then I’m still interacting, but what is motivating the communication – the desire to get a job done or the desire to talk story and walk away changed?

"We go from one place to another and from one person to the next looking for that next high. We desire to be amazed, caught off guard, and thrown into a whirlwind of new knowledge, companionship, and overall delight. When the dust settles and the setting changes we can still feel that peace inside that tells us we have learned something, felt something, and loved someone new for a brief moment that will stay with us always."

This is something I wrote a few years ago, but I have been struggling to remember from time to time… I have to remember the simplicity of drawing to God and drawing to people out of my love for God.

yeah for fun dinners!!

2009-04-01T16:08:00.002+07:00

Here’s more from the season ending party and fun dinner.

ending the season...

2009-04-01T15:47:00.003+07:00

It’s April 1st in Cambodia. It was bright and early this morning when I realized it was April Fools Day, but then I was a little confused. Is it the 1st that is April Fools? I asked a few friends. One agreed, one didn’t and a third appeared and was asked to be the tie breaker… but he disagreed because it is April Fools! Go figure. It is funny how often holidays or funny memories get forgotten when the community around you doesn’t recognize the same days. St Patrick’s Day was just another day; Christmas isn’t Dec 25th, but any time in December or January. :o)

I think we last left off with me telling about the tournament in Phnom Penh, when a bunch of Battambang girls got to go to the “big city” and play in a women’s soccer tournament. Cool stuff, right? Well, the following weekend was the last weekend of the regular season here in Battambang, and one of my teams played for third in the Big Girls bracket. On one hand they were again disappointed to be playing for third instead of playing for first, but they played hard and won the game. There are two little bitty girls on my team that I love so much, but they’re funny little girls and it seems that everyday they decide whether they’re going to talk to me or not. It’s a funny little situation, but I’ve told them that whether they’re talking to me or not I will not be mad and I’ll still love them… BUT they won’t play. So, the day of the tournament both were being stubborn twelve year olds (I think this is what Eileen would say is “all fair” because I was ABSOLUTELY stubborn then and now). One started talking to me during warm-up, but the other was holding her ground. She’s one of our starters, but I told her she wasn’t going in the game until I heard her cheering and supporting the others. Finally about 10 minutes into the game she yelled, “RACHEL!!” and told me she wanted to play. She had been cheering, and entered playing her heart out. They won the game – 4-0 think. Good times!

Because they came in third we received a gift certificate to a restaurant and were so excited to go to a fun dinner in celebration of the end of the season. Another girl here coaches the U17 Boys team from the same orphanage, so we had the fun dinner with the two teams together. Here are some photos from the tournament and the dinner… enjoy! :o)

Girls' Soccer in the capital!

2009-03-26T16:15:00.001+07:00

WHOA!! The last couple weeks have been a whirlwind. I kept being able to have amazing opportunities in different places since I last wrote. On Mar 13th, I piled into a bus (with seating for 45) with 66 other people, and we headed to Phnom Penh. The majority of the 66 people were Khmer girls ranging from 12-16 years old, and we were headed to the first ever national girls’ soccer tournament. The two teams I coach were combined for the weekend, and 2 of my girls played with another Battambang team. A while back FIFA told Cambodia that they want to see a women’s national team by next year, and this tournament in the country’s capital was the first step in that direction. It’s crazy to think that girls from my soccer teams have the chance to play on a national team. How does that happen?!?! I’ve never even played soccer competitively – granted, it’s growing on me a lot. :o)

So, we slept – or didn’t sleep – on mats, with all 23 of us in one room. Friday night some of the girls wouldn’t go to sleep, and then, when they did, they kept waking up every hour. They’d turn on the lights, ask me what time it is, I’d respond telling them it was only 11PM, 12AM, 2AM, 2:45AM, etc. I would also try to let them know that I had an alarm set, and I promise that they’d know when they needed to wake up. The process kept going, and, finally at 4AM we were up for the day. By the way, I’ve decided that when you’re learning a second language, you can tell how rooted you are in it if you can speak coherently in that second language at all hours of the night. Also, I need to learn the word for “alarm.”

The day of the tournament was so great. It was so encouraging to see girls from a few provinces there to play together, and be the forerunners of women’s sports in Cambodia. The games started a little after 9AM – every team getting at least 2 games. We won our first three games, but the fourth went to a penalty shootout, and after a shot too far left, another over the goal – we lost. We were all so devastated. They cried for so long. I think we all knew they had the potential to play for the final – of not win it. Instead, we had to give them a minute, but help them pull themselves together, and play another game for third place. They won that one, exciting and a bummer because we played against the team two of our teammates were on for the weekend. Actually, by the end of the tournament, Battambang teams took 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th. It was a great showing for our province, and made for happy travel that day and the next (this time 75 people in that 45 passenger bus). :o)

changing life

2009-03-11T11:22:00.000+07:00

So, I was listening to this song the other day; it’s called, “I’m not who I was.” The song is a man longing for someone from his past to see the person he’s become, and desiring not to be seen as who he once was. I was thinking about the overall perception of two opposite thoughts that are largely accepted where I come from. Oftentimes in America our independence and individuality triumphs time and again. It’s a place of pride to say, “You won’t change me. I know who I am.” Our pride has told us that we shouldn’t let others change us. When I returned from MT in 2007, a friend told me that I had changed. She was really disappointed with me. She said that each time I went away I came back different. At first, I was so hurt by what she said. As I sat in her floor, I kept thinking I didn’t know how to respond to something like that. She was so disappointed in me. I was so hurt, and wasn’t sure if I had reason to be. As I sat in contemplation, I finally came to the thought that I always want to “come back changed.”

Considering popular thought says that I should always strive to be different and my own distinct self, the thought of changing always escapes us. As Christians, we are supposed to be changing everyday… we should be living to be different people each time we have another chance to live. If we’re living to be like Christ, then we’d love people better everyday. We’d serve people before ourselves everyday. If, maybe, you aren’t a Christian, wouldn’t you still want to change, too? If you see more life everyday, if you know more people everyday, then you’d be changed. People are meant to affect people.

I want to wake up each day being able to say, “I’m not who I was.” I want the people around me to know I’m not who I was the day before. Each time I return home, I want people to see I’m not who I was.

At the very end he says, “The thing I find most amazing in amazing grace, is the chance to give it out. Maybe that’s what love is all about… Wish you could see me now, wish I could show you how, I’m not who I was.” I’ve noticed over the last few years that the people who don’t want to see me change (like my friend) will see changes in me. The friends that want to see me change tell me that I’m staying the same. It’s a funny dichotomy that battles at my heart, but I love this last verse… I do want to change… and the selfish part in my heart wants credit for it. Grace, though, that’s the only thing that changes me. Grace - the only thing which creates a place for us to love and live with each other each day.

P.S. The song is by Brandon Heath if you want to listen to it. :o)

Oh, Hospitals

2009-03-11T11:21:00.002+07:00

This week was so full of craziness. Sunday was the first day of the girls’ soccer tournament. It’s single elimination, and one of my teams (I shouldn't share these details for protection) lost their game. During the game, they played hard and well, but at the end it was down to penalty shots. My girls shot well, but the opposing goalie was tough, and we lost. I felt so bad for them. As I tried to encourage them after the game I felt myself tearing up. I know it’s just sports, but, it was so tough to see their disappointment. The other team I coach had a forfeit that day, so they continued for another week…

At practice on Tuesday we were practicing penalty shots – considering that’s how the other team lost – and one of the goalies (Reksmey) broke her arm. Oh man! Khmer people are so tough, and she just went and sat down on the sideline. When I went over later she had hid herself on the other side of a wall and was weeping. Goodness! How could I have missed that?!? Finally I found a friend and borrowed a moto and was on my way to the emergency room. Yes, an emergency room in Cambodia. It’s safe to say I wasn’t expecting much. It wasn’t as sketchy as I thought it would be, and the staff was so sweet. The x-ray technician loved chatting with us, and was so compassionate. We finally left – after 9PM, with a cast on her arm and a little disappointment in her heart considering the hurt arm – and not being able to play in the next tournament game.

Thursday found me going to another hospital with another one of the girls (Srey Leeip). There’s an infection in her foot – that started at her pinky toe, but has gone through her foot past her ankle. The Doctor had to cut it out, and, saving the details, I’ll just say I never thought I’d stand in a third world hospital holding the hand of a cringing twelve year old that had no family around. I realized how selfish I am to have self-pity in my heart at times, when this little girl was gritting through pain, and the person at her side was a woman who was a stranger just six months before. She was such a trooper. She bore through it, and left with a smile on her face. How does that happen? She’s so great.

Well, without Sunday and the next tournament game all too quickly. Two of the girls were out injured, so we had ten girls total that were healthy. That leaves one girl sitting on the sidelines to sub out. It’s stinking hot here AND (of course) one more girl got a little injured during the game. Their best striker was out with a broken arm, one of their defenders was out with a bum foot, and the other team got a free quick right outside the penalty box… we lost. Sad.
This weekend I’m headed to Phnom Penh (the capital) for a girls’ tournament there. We’re combining the two teams to have a team of 18. The girls are so psyched to go to the capital, and I’m excited to be with them as they get this awesome opportunity.

story of a girl...

2009-03-03T11:02:00.002+07:00

Some days, like this last Saturday, I just wanted to be home so bad. I thought about my family – about my niece and nephew and their upcoming birthdays, and allowed my heart to hurt, wanting to just be with them. God’s really faithful, though, and the following day I went to church and learned so much that touched my heart so deeply.

First, the message was in English – which is always a nice blessing. Before that, though, this guy from the States was asked to come to the front as they wheeled a huge dry erase board to the front of the church. Two large photos in gold frames were wired to the board, hanging with bright photos inserted and rocking from the movement to the center of our attention. The man began by saying that he is a human rights activist, and he started narrating a story of a girl who used to live at the rescue house I coach at. He shared about a night about five years ago that he and others when into a Karaoke brothel and rescued about seven girls – all under age. He was focusing on the story of one – about thirteen at the time. She was the first he saw, and he asked her to bring others. The next morning he returned with a pastor and left with those girls, hoping to help them into a better life. The one girl, we’ll call her Sarah, had been sold with her sister into prostitution by her father.

First, the father sold them to a human trafficker in Thailand; the girls got away and returned home. Their father sold them again, this time in their own country, into an industry that is all over the world and right next door. In Khmer culture, it’s a daughter’s responsibility to care for her family. It’s only right that the father could sell them… it’s their duty.

That morning, now years ago, in the care of the pastor and others, Sarah went with her sister and the others to a center that helps to restore these girls… and help them see their lives in a light they’ve never dreamt of. Sarah tried, but she couldn’t make it… even at 13, the brothels had gotten her addicted to drugs, and, often times the girls feel like they are damaged beyond repair at that point and can’t see themselves being anything else. So, Sarah ran away. The rescue house workers went after her, found her, and brought her back – multiple times. She kept running away. All the while her sister and the others were being changed. They were going to school and learning a trade. Some of the ones (including her sister) have graduated the program and are living good lives now. Some are still there – playing on a soccer team, learning to sew, and learning about God – someone that comes after us no matter how many times we run away – and loves us despite ourselves.

Finally, last year, Sarah died. She was about eighteen and died of liver failure – due to drugs and alcohol abuse. She died in a hospital in Vietnam with no family around. The family never had a memorial for her, so, this weekend, we remembered Sarah. We remembered that everyone is so precious, and needs to know the fight of love and the fight of the LORD for them. I looked around at the girls filling that room – how many others have a similar story? Some on my team have run away and are back – how many times? I can’t believe these are just a handful of the girls from all over the world that could’ve had the tragedy of Sarah, but are fighting for the triumph of a second chance and new life. There are so many others that are still nameless among us everyday.

Knowing a story like this puts my selfish heart at bay for while. I’m sure it’ll creep back again, but I’m so thankful that God lets me be a part of something that is so much bigger than myself – a good reminder life is not about me… it never has been and it never will be.

a day at a field. :o)

2009-03-03T10:31:00.004+07:00

some photos from the field... my two teams warming up together. I love it that now they know each other and look for each other out at the fields. They're from many different places and have such different stories to share. oh man! AND there's two of our staff warming up their under 14 team from the same orphanage one of my team's come s from...

woohoo fun stuff in 09

2009-01-31T10:36:00.004+07:00

here's some photos from the last little while... the pile of kids is a photo from out street children ministry. We had a team from MT here, and we were able to do a really happy Christmas party for them. I just saw as I was looking at that I'm back there in the top left corner. Funny...
The others are from what we call the "Shack." This is a new little place one of our staff, Barbara (the woman in green), just started renting for our community outreach ministry. Right now we run a youth center at the base that teaches English, Bible and other classes to about 300-600 youth a quarter. At the youth center we can only accept ages 15 -30, so this new center will be able to teach small children. We're all super excited about it! Monday afternoon almost all of our staff cleared their schedules to go clean it up for a few hours. In additional to small children, Barbara really has a heart to minister to the parents... Of course, if you can help the parents you can better help the whole family unit. Sometimes we just see the children and know how to reach them, but it's harder to know how to help the family as a whole. I'm so excited Barbara has a heart and passion for this

good day

2008-12-07T19:47:00.002+07:00

So, I talked to Christina this morning. Actually, I “video-chatted” with her (until my video froze and it never came back). What an amazing thing, huh? I’m on the other side of the world… and even though the internet is slow and often disappears… my lil sis knows that if she logs in on Friday night and waits for me – she’ll probably be able to see me. She gets off work on Friday afternoon and heads home. She opens the computer and patiently waits for me to wake up on Saturday, have my breakfast and make it to an internet shop. On Thanksgiving she had it set up, and I got to see the whole crew as they were about to dig into Turkey and dressing. They gave me an amazing honor when they asked if I’d bless the meal. So, with Kaitlyn and Riley staring at me on the laptop, we all bowed our heads and thanked God for his faithfulness. Even as I sit here over a week later to tell you about it, tears come to my eyes. How is it possible to have such a place in the lives of people so far away? My heart aches for home and aches for here. Maybe it is times like these that make it easier to understand the concept of living for a home far away. None of these places are really my home… not the one that I’ll have forever at least. Some people say that in some ways there’s a different trouble for expatriates now that hasn’t existed before – we can still have easy, regular contact with the people we’ve “left behind.” Years ago, the person left and slow letters were the only way of contact; before that, once people gone, that was it. Normally they lived only for about 3-5 years, and never saw or talked again to the people from their first home. Now, it’s easy to have our hearts in two places because we can have such easy contact with our first homes. You know, even though being able to hear too much sometimes about home – moments like this Thanksgiving – when I can be “away” and still “present….” Incredible and definitely one of the things I said “Thank You” for on that thought provoking day.

these are some photos from Christmas 07 with Christina. I just wanted to post some old fun ones.

yeah!! soccer!!

2008-12-02T15:30:00.001+07:00

Last weekend (the weekend before Thanksgiving) we had our opening tournament for the soccer season. There were about 600 people – I think 60 teams. We have 3 age brackets for the boys – 12 & under, 14 & under, 17 & under. We also have two brackets for the girls – Big Girls and Small Girls. No kidding, those are the “age brackets.” Basically, girls here rarely play sports, and as they get older they stop playing sports. Culturally it’s acceptable to think that good, gentle Khmer girls don’t join in athletics. One of the teams I coach is the girls at the rescue house. These girls have lived a life drastically different than even other Khmer girls. They likely have never played sports even at a young age. When I first started going out there the girls were so scared of the balls! Trying to teach them how to dribble and then pass was such an incredible feat. There was one day I wanted them to stand one behind the other. A line, really, but we were having the hardest time all understanding that. I had a friend with me that speaks a good bit of English, but even she didn’t understand. I never thought that I’d ever be close to tears because I couldn’t communicate for people to stand in lines! Times like these push me even harder to try and get further along in this language. Oh man, does it! When I first got here to Battambang I was understanding more Khmer than I was able to speak…now I feel like I’m understanding way less than the conversations my words can get me into. At our game on Sunday I called a Khmer friend and had to say, “What’s this mean: ‘Baan tdan lang?’” My friend, “She says she hasn’t played yet.” “Goodness, thanks. See you later.” We hung up hearing laughter on both ends. I couldn’t understand that my girl was saying she just wanted to play. Goodness. Those times are frustrating, but it all washes away when after practices they’re clamoring for hugs and smiles as I’m attempting to go home for dinner. It’s so exciting to be here and see them growing in courage, strength and love every week.

Rice

2008-11-22T13:45:00.001+07:00

I was looking at a friend’s computer earlier and she had just gotten a lot of responses from her last update. I have been trying not to give all encompassing updates lately – trying instead to communicate as much as possible individually. The thing is, there are a lot of people I want to share with. One of my speakers told us during my Discipleship Training School that communication is one of my responsibilities as I live out here. Please, push me if you’re curious. If you’re thinking, “I don’t even know why she’s there. What does she DO?!?” I love communication. I love hearing about you and your life just as much (sometimes more) than I like trying to describe my life here. Ask any questions – what’s my house like? Who do I live with? What do I eat?!?! Why did I decide to be here? Why Cambodia? Anything is up for discussion.

Just to start us off… what do I eat?!?! RICE! Pretty much all three meals everyday we eat rice. Rice with chicken/fish… sometimes a rice porridge/soup. The rice porridge also comes with chicken every now and then. Sometimes (typically Sunday mornings) we eat “Mee Tai.” It’s Thailand’s version of Ramen noodles. It’s one of my favorite meals. Actually, on Saturday we have to make/buy our own food. The other days we have two “house Mom’s” (I like to call them) that prepare all of our food. They are really great. Plus, one of the girls here teaches cooking in our youth center, so our cooks are in her class and learn fun meals twice a week. Anyways, Saturday is their day off, so, as Eileen (Mom-sister person) used to say – “It’s fend for yourself.” There’s a small restaurant that almost all of us foreigners go to first thing Saturday morning. This morning I had a bagel sandwich. It’s great – but don’t expect a “real” bagel – you might be disappointed. Here in Cambodia we do the best we can. :o)

old friends in town!!

2008-11-02T15:48:00.000+07:00

This week has been so amazing in some ways and super tough in others. We had some visiting teachers this week for the training school we’re running right now. It’s a doctor and his wife from Indiana. If you were to ask me, though, they aren’t just any Mom and Dad. The first time I went to a YWAM base it was October of 2005 and the base in AR had just purchased their property. I had heard that this Christian group needed help setting up their base/missions facility in AR, so I was picked up in my driveway and headed over to help out. I was there for about 4 days – long enough for God to take advantage of my trip and start speaking something to my heart that would change my life. In any case, getting back to our incredible guests for the week – they were there, too. They had a similar story to mine – well, we know somebody here that told us there was a need, so we came. I remember those conversations, those times around the dinner table, the endless cleaning to help the eight base staff as much as we could in the little time we had. Later down the road, I was back at that same place for a training school that began to widen the foundation I had in Jesus and equip me to go to the nations. This same couple – they were back. He’s not just an incredibly intelligent ER doctor, but he’s also an amazing chef. My team and I were heartily blessed by the joy he finds in the kitchen – they cooked 3 meals for us during that 6 months of my life (each time traveling down from Indiana just to bless us). Their daughter and son-n-law were on staff for the Bible training I took there, and, again I was blessed. So, this week I got to spend some quality time with this husband and wife that love each other very well – and they are great at being “rent-a-parents” for us as well. We’re a whole base under 30 years old (until next week when one of our friends turns 30), so having Mom and Dad type people around gets us all super excited. They’re very familiar to my heart and have appeared in and out of my world in numerous “stages” over my last couple years… even when it seems everything is constantly changing. I think it’s so cool when God gives you the chance to see the same people even when nothing else is the same. How does He do that?!?!
The part that wasn’t so “happy” this week – I’ve been pretty sick. A number of us have been pretty sick. None of it is the “bad stuff” – AKA typhoid, dengue fever, etc – so that’s great, but, still, it’s keeping us from our work. I cancelled a few of my Khmer classes this week and I didn’t get to coach for 3 days this week. Luckily, for the coaching, a friend just came back from Thailand and was able to cover. I hate the idea of not showing us for those girls. So, please, pray for all of our health. It can get pretty frustrating.
I got to get to sleep… Night.

SKILLET??!?

2008-11-02T15:39:00.000+07:00

Right now I am listening to a band called Skillet. Some people reading this might be in total shock that I would be listening to this because you’ve heard of them – and we saw their shows together. This band is from Memphis and started getting a lot of attention when I was in my last years of high school and first years of college. Anyways, I was looking through a friend’s music today and saw that she has Skillet cds… I have lost a LOT of my cds over the past few years, so, as of today, I have some “new” music on my iPod. I’m super excited. As I was lying down for bed I couldn’t get over how excited I was to listen to something that was so “home” to my heart. The funny thing about music is that it evokes so many unexpected feelings. Thoughts and emotions came flying out of the black void in my room because I have these little earphones acting as conduits to my heart remembering so much of what seems like a lifetime ago. Skillet was the beginning of me letting God’s fight for me become so real. I would say it was the beginning of God’s fight for me, but it’s just the time I began to realize that He’d been fighting all along. I was always a pretty good kid, but then I became best friends with this dude in high school that took me to his church. At his church I found a group of teenagers that loved God and loved people greatly. It didn’t matter what people… they loved deeply. It didn’t matter what God asked of them, they loved Him… so they trusted Him and were changed by Him. I still remember the tiniest details about my first time in that church on Winchester Rd. I remember watching people so intently – people that would become my best friends, boyfriend, and “little sisters” - people who would live in a way that would bring me closer to Jesus. I had absolutely no idea at the time that I was being allured to a deep relationship with the God of the universe and that night would change my life and others (through my changed life).

more from this side of the globe

2008-10-08T15:10:00.002+07:00

About here… well, you know I got to go teach in that DTW in a village. It was amazing. #1 it was a teaching opportunity, and I think that’s probably something I’m made to do. Maybe? #2 there was an afternoon that we went out to a village and spread out. Just walked dirt paths to huts and asked ppl if we could sit with them and chat. My team of 5 (me and 4 Cambodians) felt led to this one house and when Chnouen (he’s one of my favorites) asked if the woman had heard of Jesus she said she hadn’t. I think that’s one thing God was so faithful to let me be a part of that day. We hear about the 10/40 window and all the ppl that have never heard, “Jesus,” but to be there as someone was hearing the name of the King of Kings for the first time in her life really touched me. Why would I want to be anywhere else in the world at that moment? She didn’t accept Jesus, but we sat for an hour and ½ that floated away like 20 minutes. I got to be a part of someone’s eternity being affected. I’m still not fully realizing the awe of that in my heart. Had I been in Memphis, I would’ve been watching TV or sleeping at 2 AM on a Saturday night at the moment that I was sitting on that woman’s wooden bed under a hut in a discreet village.

**make sure you check out my photos page. there's more to see there!

oh, a village.

2008-09-26T12:24:00.001+07:00

I’m sittin in an internet café in Battambang once again. I’m sitting right beside one of the miniature shrines the Khmer have in their homes and businesses. They burn incense and leave food for their ancestors. The incense is especially strong today. Maybe it’s because I’m here earlier than normal. I try to run over here around 8AM some days so I can talk to Kaitlyn and Riley before they go to bed. Kaitlyn cheered at a football game tonight, so they’re up late. Great for me!! :o)

I just got back to Battambang Wednesday night from a week of teaching in a village. I went on a team of seven – I was one of two American girls and the rest were Khmer. We had an opportunity to teach on identity, hearing God’s voice and so many other wonderful topics. Each morning we’d have an hour of teaching before breakfast – 6AM-7AM, break from breakfast and get back together at 8AM for a 4hour session. Then we’d break for lunch, and start again for a 2-4PM session. We’d also have a session from 6:30PM – 8PM. The lights were on generator, so we’d lose lights not very much after that. I’ve had long days before, but I’ve only heard of ppl having those really long teaching days. Each day I had to remind myself that it was an amazing opportunity to be there!! :o)

the students and they're passion would make that so easy to remember once I got myself out of bed!!

a quiet fort

2008-09-02T14:22:00.003+07:00

We’re in a quiet time around the base at the moment. We just began another month long session at the youth center we run here. We’re teaching English, Guitar, Bible and others. I had a meeting with some of the leaders and I think I actually want to help with office work and the outreach teams. There are a few other ministries that I’m praying about, but those two I’m hoping to be really involved in. I know it sounds funny to be all the way over here hoping to work in an office, but there are visas that have to be up to date and schedules that have to be made. Funny thing about any “movement” that seems wonderful – there always has to be someone doing the paper work. :o) I think the last 5 months and 7 countries has made me crave an opportunity to do just that!

We have a Swiss friend in town that runs a soccer ministry – not just coaching the Khmer youth in a sport, but also in leadership and accountability. Sam asked if I’d be up for working with some girls in his ministry. The girls are typically “rescue” girls – from human trafficking, or brothels. It seems right up my alley, except that I’ve never played coached soccer OR know the language yet… but anything’s possible with God, right? I’d love the opportunity to pour love into the lives of these girls that have known little other than being used and abused. There’s also another ministry I’m talking to God about – it specifically reaches out to “at risk” children. At risk children are those most at risk to be trafficked or sold for gain. When I think about these things to write here in a blog it gets my thoughts running more and more.

Honestly, how can anyone write in black and white about children’s whose lives are taken from them so young. They are SOLD – normally by a family member or friend. One of the families we know in Siem Reap runs a brothel in their home – the parents and brothers encourage the girls (the daughters/sisters) into this lifestyle. The money the girls make gives the family a chance to have a little nicer cell phone, or TV. Selling your sister for a TV?!? My heart is beating wildly even as I write it down. Some friends of ours just moved to Siem Reap as we were leaving. The wife is Khmer and the husband has actually lived in Cambodia about 4 years and is fluent in the language. Some of the students took them to meet this family… the family loves us and trust us and over time the relationship this new couple will have an opportunity to make will, hopefully, change the perception of the family – and free the girls from the bondage they live in daily.

This is life here. Actually, this is life all over the world – human trafficking, that is. I’m choosing to believe that any of us who draw ourselves closer to an at risk child is taking an opportunity to stand in the gap and, optimistically, protect.

I’ll let you know what I decide – a girl who’s been rescued – physically, but still needs love and renewed heart and mindset… her life has created a battleground of hurt; or a child who is at risk to be taken away. Goodness, only God knows, right?

the first of September?!?!?

2008-09-02T14:21:00.001+07:00

So, here’s the latest…

The students have been back in the States (and other home countries) for about 2 weeks. I have to admit a little bit of jealousy, but it has come a lot easier than expected to make Battambang home. I think I’ve said before that there have been a lot less people around these few weeks. It’s been an amazing blessing to get to know a few people at a time. When I was here in 2006 there were… um… 5 staff. Now, two years later, there are… well, 30 staff! About ½ are Khmer. It’s so amazing to see what God has done in this place, but, honestly… that’s a lot of people to get to know! The Khmer have names that are tough for me to remember, too – examples: Sinuit, Sombot, Sumeang… that’s just a few of the girls. :o)

One of my closest friends was here for the majority of these last 2 weeks – a gift from God for my heart to help transition. It’s still a little strange whenever I think of the fact that my stuff is unpacked, and a 3^rd world country is my home for a while.

These 2 photos - one of Caroline in 2006 during my DTS and one here in Siem Reap this summer. I stil can't believe we were here at the same time again! We found a place in Siem Reap that was showing a baseball game and got super excited. Then we realized the game was a day and 1/2 old!

walking into something new...

2008-08-21T07:52:00.001+07:00

So, the last time I was in Memphis was at the end of December last year. There’s so much that has happened since then – hopefully I’ve shared a bit of it… most of it would be impossible to share completely. At the end of June last year I felt like God asked me to pray about doing a school that trains DTS staff and leaders (DTS Equip). As I hung out in Montana (I had finished my SBS and they were starting the first DTS Equip there the following week), I finally felt like God say that I cold stay or go and He would totally be in my decision. I never saw myself staffing a DTS, so I decided to go home. Plus, it had been so long (or so I thought) since I had been home, and my heart had already been challenged and changed so much in the last six months that I didn’t think I could take much more for a little while. Funny thing about “never thinking I’d ever staff a DTS” – I just finished staffing one! A typical DTS is 5 ½ - 6 months… I staffed one for 8 ½ months! A typical DTS has outreaches that are led by 2 staff or by one very seasoned staff – my first time out of the gates I led by myself. So, I am so thankful and I totally see God in the time I had back home, but I also totally see how He desired to prepare me for this last season.

Now that I’m staffing here my “needs” are changing a little… and heightening a lot. All the other times I’ve walked into whatever God had for me it was going to be a 6 or 9 month stretch with times in between to return home and share my heart believing God was going to add to the number that wanted to invest in this vision God’s asked of me to walk in.

Please, pray with me in these areas…

· health. All of this traveling has been exhausting and at times I have troubles mostly with my stomach. It’s nothing to be alarmed about – we get used to it, but it’s still uncomfortable and a nuisance.

· Transition and Relationships. As you know I’ve been away from Memphis for 8 ½ months… in Asia for 5 months, but I’m just now moving into my home and getting to know the staff and ministries here. Please, pray for my transition – that I’ll allow God’s grace to guide me through and that if there are any hurts on my heart from this last stretch that I will be teachable and receive comfort how God wants to bring it.

Finances. I now have monthly staff fees, language tutor, housing, transportation, food, etc. Joined with phone and insurance and others bills… I have a budget of $600. I have a monthly support base of about $150. I truly prayed about coming home with the team to work and raise support, but I feel like God asks us to live for HIS glory and Trust Him. He said that His glory will be better shown if I don’t try to do it myself. I guess that has to be totally true!! Please, pray for people to desire to invest in God’s kingdom through me, and ask God if you are part of His plan. Email me at rachel.sumner7@gmail.com if you feel like you have more questions or would like to know how to invest in God’s ministry He’s blessed me with

life in battambang

2008-08-21T07:48:00.000+07:00

What am I doing here in Battambang?? Well, the “long term vision” of this 2 years in Cambodia is to start a School of Biblical Studies. It will be a school for Khmer and international students to spend 9 months of their lives learning how to study the Word inductively, and during the 9 month stretch, they will go through each book of the Bible 5 times. The school won’t start until September of ’09… what’s happening until then? Well, language class! That will be the top priority. I have to learn to speak Khmai if I’m going to live here, build relationship, and disciple Khmer youth. I’ll be doing language study probably 4-6 hours a day. Yep… 4-6 HOURS. I don’t know what it looks like yet, but I’ll keep you posted. Also, we run a youth center here offering free classes of varying subjects to anyone and everyone that comes through the gates. Starting in September I’ll teach a Math class for an hour M-F. There are also some other ministries I’d like to be a part of that I’m still praying through… there’s a soccer ministry that I want to help out with as well as helping with the outreach teams department. We receive an incredible number of outreach teams, and all of those teams need clean houses, orientation, etc. After coming off of a crazy 5 month outreach I have a fresh perspective of the hearts of teams and leaders… I’d like to help that department. Then, there’s the practical – office work. It’s not the exciting stuff, but I really want to help with organization in the office. We have to make sure to be on top of our visas, communication, etc. These are the different areas I’m praying through right now. Please, pray for my discernment as I try to listen to the Lord about how He’d like me to spend my time. I want to be a good steward of all of it!

breakfast in Battambang, Cambodia

2008-08-21T07:26:00.002+07:00

Wednesday. August 20, 2008

Today as I was looking around I realized I was sitting on a mat, eating breakfast with 5 Khmer, a Korean, a Filipino an Aussie, and 5 Americans. We’re all under the age of 30. It was a staff meeting/breakfast here in Battambang, Cambodia. I moved here on Saturday.

The students left on Thursday morning at 8:30AM… we have a 6 year old that was with us and she didn’t realize I wasn’t going until we were saying bye at the airport. Morgan hugged me (she likes to hug a lot), stepped back, looked up, and said, “wait, you aren’t going? But WHY?!?!” She then ran back at me and started crying as she hugged for dear life. These 16 people I just said goodbye to have been my family since January 3^rd. We’ve lived together, eaten together, flown together, prayed together, worshipped together, wept together, and been speechless together as God revealed Himself to be God. Each time I’ve said bye to my Memphis family, I’ve been given, by the grace of God, another incredible family right after. The first few days or weeks are a little strange because we don’t know each other, but, then, after living our lives shoulder to shoulder (and many times sharing beds – or mats) for months on end… the love and familial bond we have is something hard to walk away from.

It’s all about perspective, though, right? God often (pretty much always) asks us to walk away from something to be more in His will for our lives. Every time we walk away from something we’re walking TOWARDS something else. As I walked in the gate here at my new home on Saturday, I had the grace of God give me an incredible joy to be walking into and TOWARDS a plan He’s devised for my life that I can’t even imagine.

Malaysia, Singapore, Burma, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos

2008-07-23T14:53:00.003+07:00

A Tajik, Swiss, Korean, and American are walking down the street...

A Cambodian, American, Bunjabi, and Malay-English are in the kitchen...

An Englishman, Swiss, Australian, and American are selling cookies and hot dogs and hamburgers...

A Filipino and American are praying together in Singapore...

Jesus loving people from roughly 20-30 countries are worshiping the Lord of lords in Singapore.

These are pharases that can describe just a fraction of my last 2 weeks. It's mindblowing to realize we've been in Asia for over 4 months now. The majority of that time we were in Cambodia and then over the last month my team has been in 6 countries. That's a LOT of traveling! We've stayed in guest houses - 2 to a room and HOT SHOWERS (woohoo- we don't have that in Cambodia) and we've stayed 15 to a room and cold showers. We've had bucket showers and hose showers. It's funny to talk about the showers... but those are interesting details, right?

We've spoken in Bible schools and we've been fearful of having political talks at a restaurant for fear of listening communist government (even if you're discussing the American presidential race). We've painted a number of walls... taught classes... led worship for a Sunday church service, ushered people to their seats at a church conference, and, of course shared the Gospel. the Gospel is the "Good News," right? When I shared with a Buddhist in Singapore the other day I left feeling like that was the most amazing hour in my life in a while. It's incredible to be Jesus in action and in love, but when you get to share Jesus with people that have never heard - goodness, my heart was overjoyed and racing. Her name is Amy and she lives in a village in China, but has a 2 year working permit to Singapore. Let's pray together that more peope come along and share the love of Jesus with her.

There is so much more I could share... maybe I'll be able to post again soon.

The most current info: Our whole school is together again in Malaysia. I'm so super happy to be leading with 2 more people right now - even if the group has tripled. Now there's 20-21 altogether, but, also, now I have my friends Katie and Ephraim to pray, discuss, and lead with. This is so wonderful for my heart!!

We're all pretty tired from all the traveling... please, pray for continual endurance. The students only have 22 days left!

on the road again

2008-06-22T09:52:00.000+07:00

Well, this s the last Sunday in Cambodia for a little while. We're planning on leaving here on Saturday morning, staying in Bangkok Saturday night and heading to Burma on Sunday. We believe there are a few border places foreigners can still get in - just not anywhere near the flooding. We're going to head to one of those border checkpoints, pray really hard, and see what happens. After that we'll travel to Singapore.

Please, be praying for all of our travel as well as just fun along the way. I'll write more later this week, hopefully... if not... I'll "see you" in Singapore.

Oh, one thing I did today - caught a HUGE rat under my bed. that was eventful. I've always been that girl that refuses to get worked up over bugs or rodents or anything... today I screamed "like a girl" as I ran out of my room holding that rat. ICK!!

there's still more

2008-06-14T13:20:00.002+07:00

this week...

2008-06-14T11:51:00.005+07:00

So, this is the best way I can think to tell you about my time here lately... I love to write. Writing is something that I began doing towards the end of 2004-beginning of 2005. I absolutely love to let my thoughts drip onto paper and then look at it later and see my heart written where blank white was moments before. Right now is an amazing time in my life, but, for whatever reason, I rarely have the words to write. It's beginning to disappoint me, but I'm telling myself that when the time is right God will give me the words.

Doing what I'm doing right now is nothing close to what I thought I would ever do in my life. It's so far beyond anything I could've thought to dream for myself. Sometimes as I ride along in a tuk tuk (basically a covered booth on a scooter), or a moto, and I look around; I think to myself, "Who am I??!? Who am I that I get to be doing this right now? Who am I that I get to see the things I've seen today?!?" Yesterday some of the team and I went out to Angkor Wat and taught English on a wall in front of the temples. Who does that? It's the biggest religious monument in the world... I think it's one of the "seven wonders of the world." I should probably know that. :o) So, here are some of the things I saw this week (this seems to be best way to tell you about "here")...

Oh, Sarah and I went with some other missionaries to Tonle Sap. The others have a floating boat on the lake where they do medical work as well as teach Sunday School. It's rainy season here now... so there was lightning happening around us. We're assuming that's why our hair wants to stick up in random directions...

Back in Siem Reap

2008-05-15T20:46:00.000+07:00

Being back with my team is exactly what I would hope for it to be. They love me and each other so much. They did amazing while I was gone. It’s easy to wonder what I’m here for now… they’ve gotten so used to being here and loving Cambodia. They understand a life of prayer, intercession and worship. One of the guys is missing dinner every night because there is a monk that has asked to have a one-on-one Bible study. A couple of the students eat meals super fast because they have Cambodian friends to go hang out with and bring closer to Jesus. We have such high hopes to come running to God with one of our Cambodian friends beside us saying, “Look Father, I’ve found another one. We have another brother/sister.” God will say, “Well, I never lost him/her… thank you for letting him/know.”

trip to Bangkok.

2008-05-15T20:45:00.001+07:00

These students on my team are amazing. They’re really walking out in the giftings and talents that God has put in their hearts and lives. They are all so different and so strong in all of their wonderful ways. They lift me up and encourage me more than I could hope for. The last week in Bangkok ranks as one of the harder weeks I’ve experienced in my life. It was so tough to want something so much not for myself, but for my students and the people of Myanmar. Each day I woke up, packed my stuff moved it to another place (long story why), and then made the trip to the embassy. The first 2 days the embassy was a 20 minute “express boat” trip, and a 3 minute skytrain trip away. Then a couple blocks walk, and I was there. There were camera crews mixed with police and barricades. Inside there was a conglomeration of Thais, Burmese, Canadians, Aussies, Dutch, Americans… etc trying their everything to get into this nation they have such a heart to help. The days there gave me an understanding of the phrase, “hoping against hope.” I always think of against as the idea of the opposite direction or pull. Now I understand that phrase means so much hope running into the hope going before it – 2 things leaning against each other. There’s no space in between for doubt or concern because the hope is overwhelming and strong.

I didn’t end up turning in the applications; I hadn’t talked to anyone in the time I was there that got theirs’ approved. Finally on Monday morning when everything looked the most promising they were going to keep my passport as well as the copies of the passports. I wouldn’t have been able to get back to Cambodia until Friday. I was already gone so long, and I know that God’s big enough to work it out a different way. We have other friends that have to apply, so they’re probably going to take ours when they go. We can just keep waiting and praying. I just heard of some of our other friends that got denied, so I’m going to believe I was hearing from the Lord when I felt not to turn it again. I want to thank you all so much for being so concerned, encouraging and prayerfully petitionining the LORD to work on our behalf. I have to admit that it’s REALLY humbling coming back without even submitting the applications, but I know I tried. I went Thursday the Embassy was crazy, Friday the embassy was closed, and Monday seemed like too little too late. It was “falling together” the way I think it would’ve had it been the Lord’s leading.

so, I've been told...

2008-05-15T20:26:00.001+07:00

1 I got an email from my brother-n-law today. One of the one-line paragraphs informed me that I hadn’t updated my blog in a while. I was doing so well at first…

So, it’s now the middle of May. We’ve been in SE Asia for 2 months, and Siem Reap, Cambodia for a month and ½. The time here has been everything we’ve expected and so much we couldn’t have expected.

We could’ve never known we were going to meet and help alongside some missionaries from TN. We could’ve never known that we were going to have an extra roommate for a month that is with the AirForce, but lives in

Japan

. We never could’ve known that we would meet a guy from Italy who wanted to hang out with us all day asking about God, and why we would be here. I could’ve never known that I would have the same “random” Cambodian help me cross the border that happened to help my team cross the border in 2006. I could’ve never known I’d be able to have a day with my friend Tessa. She’s from Ohio, we were in class together in MT, and she’s leaving Thailand in June. I happened to need to be in Thailand, but a window of time I had nothing to do. So, I got to visit. The same girl who did my team orientation in Phnom Penh in 2006 is sitting beside me on the floor. A DTS staff from MT was sitting in a restaurant in Bangkok when I walked in for dinner on Thursday night. We both agreed we were the last person we expected to see.

God is so wonderful to weave things together that we could never hope for or imagine for ourselves.

never been to Siem Reap before

2008-04-01T18:17:00.001+07:00

Believe it or not… the place I’m sitting in Siem Reap kinda makes me think of home. There’s a cabin in Monteagle, Tennessee that I got to go one summer when I was about 12. The upstairs was my hangout. The walls were just 4x4s and wood siding. My friend’s grandmother actually let us get spray paint and paint the walls however we chose while we were there; they were yellow before we started. The walls in my bedroom here are just the same – bare, 4x4s, wood siding, and yellow. As I walk down the outside stairs I look out into trees and just on the other side of the road is a “river.” It’s green – stagnant because the rainy season isn’t for a few more months. I haven’t seen much flowing going on either… stark contrast from the Mighty Mississippi and a current that will pull you under.

The funny thing about YWAM is that there’s no “main base” as far as the mission goes. The organization thrives and grows to champion anyone to what God has called them into. Each base all over the world is never going to look like another you’ve been to. It’s wonderful. Even after 2 weeks at the YWAM base in Battambang, Cambodia, the base in Siem Reap, Cambodia has another “feeling” to it. The leaders here are a incredibly cute Filipino couple named, Fhonkie (yes, pronounce it funky) and Hya (“Hi-uh”). They have 3 children and 5 full time staff. The staff is made up of 3 Filipino, 1 Cambodian, and 1 American. The American is Auntie Liz… she’s about 65, I think, and the joy of the Lord exuding out of her would never tell that!

Right now they’re running an English and Job Skills training center. They run a 10 week course in a variety of job skills and English. At the end of the 10 weeks they throw a party for graduation and the students receive a certificate of completion. They’ve gotten recognition among some business owners and other NGOs (Non-government Organizations) they’ve had some students receive employment right after the graduation. They have intentional weekly “Jesus time” in every class where Jesus is introduced and Christ values are taught. They’ve seen students give their lives to Jesus as well join discipleship groups with the staff.

Yesterday we spent a full day of praying, interceding, and putting together a schedule for our time here in Siem Reap. The students are jumping into help Fhonkie and Hya as well as pioneering connections with other NGOs here. The different students are incredible and desire to influence and help in so many ways. We’re looking for an orphanage to volunteer at, an AIDS victims ministry, and a prostitution ministry. There might be a possibility for our guys to work with boys that are rescued from the street and a life of drug addiction. We’re not sure what will “fall together” as time goes on, but we’re looking forward to seeing how God is going to use us here!!

P.S. the pictures are Jane and John teaching in the center. Please, check out my other "pages" so you can see more pictures!!

The Taste of Nausea

2008-03-22T20:31:00.001+07:00

Wonderful title to my first blog from this trip to Battambang, Cambodia, huh?? Well, that was a comment one of my students made this morning as she was “diving” into a pack of saltines and a can of Sprite. We’ve all been there, right? We all remember the green can and white crackers being our best friend coming in the hands of our Mom’s as we lied on our beds growing up. Well, this morning she wasn’t enjoying a couch and a TV and her Mom waiting on her. We were sitting on our bed (that we share), in our 10X10 room, under our oscillating fan. Each moment was an attempt to do a “mind over matter” trick and tell herself that the momentary breeze of the fan was enough to ignore the heat, wafting smells of the street, and the knowledge she had been getting sick for hours. Her stomach and Cambodia are in a bitter feud, but it was her that found the joke in it all… “the taste of nausea.”

That’s the “negative” though, right?? Of course that’s not it!!

We arrived here about 4PM on Sunday. Our school leader has actually been living in Cambodia for over 2 years, but felt God told her to leave for a moment and lead out our school. As we were all piling out of our musty van the family greeting us couldn’t contain their enjoyment as they saw their long-awaited friend return. One of the other girls has lived her over a year and her greeting was just as energetic and emotional. One of the ladies here picked her up and shook her around! As I watched, my heart started pumping for all of the familiar faces. Well, my joyful greeting was on the way. There were whispers, one little Khmer lady to the next. A few whispers were returned… and then I was hugged. Grandma didn’t take her hands off me… the Khmer people love to be touching all the time. They are definitely a “touchy feely people.” One of the Khmer ladies leaned to me and shared, “She said about you, ‘you were here. Then you were gone, and now you’re here again.’” I smiled, “Yep, I’m back.”

So happy, I’m back.

The countdown is on...

2008-03-11T16:13:00.003+07:00

So, everyday I think about what I would write in a post. Very rarely lately do I feel words swelling in my heart that beg to be put here in this written form my family and friends come to read. I know that pretty much doesn't matter the majority of the time - words overflowing, or words absent... I should always write.

Well, tonight as I roll down my covers and start thinking of tomorrow already... this comes into my head... "three days." Three days left in Hawaii. Three days to pack and clean and double check passports and check with students and call family. Three days. Three days of America being the place I lay my head at night. Three days of having constant access to good drinking water and a variety of food. Three days. I hesitate to go to sleep because I don't want the day to come... yet I crave to go to sleep because I'm looking forward to what's on the other side.

As I walked in Wal-Mart tonight the thought came to me, "Wal-Mart? When is the next time I'll be in a market like this?!?" Technically I'm planning on going back on Wednesday to get some stuff I didn't get tonight, but you get the idea. :o) I came back to the campus and shot around on the basketball court. I chatted with a friend who is staying here... we're already trying to say goodbye without saying goodbye. Again with the "last words" of a friendship. Thankfully God has shown me they never have to be "last words." They might be the last face-to-face words for a while, but I've seen Him be faithful to bring ppl back around again. My friend said to me, "you know, every time I get to this place, where I have gotten close to someone and then they have to leave, I just think, 'It's worth it.' It would have to be worth it, or I wouldn't be in YWAM." He finished the statement with a classic smile. It's true. It's all worth it.

So, I'll leave on Friday. The time has come for me to make a whole new stomping ground.

Local Outreach...

2008-02-20T14:51:00.003+07:00

Here I go again...
this week we split the school into the two teams and we're off. Well, not really off, we still stayed on the same island, but have gone to the other side. My team has been blessed to travel over into Hilo the work with Hilo Missionary Church and serve the Body here as well as let the Holy Spirit lead us to serve any other way He desires. We got here yesterday afternoon (Monday), and have already been blown away by God working. Shelly and I (the other leader) met and felt that we were to put the week to the students... we felt led that we were to intercede as a group to see who God wanted to lead certain aspects of our week. Well, as we listened to God's voice each one of the 8 received the same thing. We asked God specific questions: who are the 2 ppl you want to lead out intercession this week? Among the 8 of us we all got the same 2 names! It's something so small, but something so significant. It affirmed my heart, and I'm not a student walking in the principle of hearing His voice for the first time. God did it over and over like that during our time together... each time reminding us so sweetly that we can hear Him! Well, today has been more amazing leadings from the Lord. We only had one aspect of our day set up today - help do cleaning and relief here at the church. Other than that, we were completely reliant that the Lord would direct us. Well, He did. We cleaned this morning, and then met for intercession to ask about the rest of the day. After listening a bit He spoke so clearly. We were supposed to return to a place we did prayer walking last night. There was "unfinished business." As I write this we've just gotten back from the prayer walking. Each group has a story of seeing God's direction and love moving in boldness as well as love in the conversations we were led to. My friend Sarah and I spoke to a man hurt by the church, and YWAM. God put it on my heart to ask forgiveness as a church goer and a YWAMer. It was incredible to see the way the simple act of asking forgiveness brought humility and peace in a volatile conversation. God is so faithful!! The picture above is my team at a Valentine's desert night the guys did for us. :o) YAY

I forgot I was in Kona!

2008-02-20T14:27:00.004+07:00

So, in my defense, I've written at least one of these messages, but then logged back in to see that it had disappeared. That's my 2 cents on the length since the last post. On another note, our speakers last week completely blessed the staff and took us out to dinner, a movie, and ICE CREAM. Ice cream is pretty much my favorite food, AND they fed us, AND they blessed us with entertainment. On the note of the movie, though, (and the reason for this particular subject heading)... did you know that you can sit in a movie theater anywhere in the world and think that you are anywhere in the world? I hear that there are $10 movie theaters in Bangkok that you have waiters and sit in recliners, so if I was there I would not be confused into thinking I was in Memphis. The confusion is a little easier than you'd expect though. Think about it, the lights are dim, you're in a red fold down chair and you face a big movie screen. For a moment, I was in Memphis. My heart told me I was only a 20 minute drive from my sisters, and my friends. I had just left visiting Kaitlyn and Riley and was sitting with Eileen. Well, that's if Eileen would want to see Rambo. I think she could handle the gore, but she definitely wouldn't be ok with me leading a team to Burma after she sat in that movie for 2 hours. My co-leader and I were sitting shoulder to shoulder and gave each other a sheepish smile to express our thoughts on the movie. She actually had her face hid for at least 1/2 of the movie; I can't help but watch it even if I covered my mouth in astonished gasps. So, that's my thought on the feeling like I can be anywhere at any time. Anyone want to go see Rambo and then jump on a jet plane with me??

Brazil...

2008-02-01T07:39:00.001+07:00

I feel like the best thing to do would be to tell a story...
A few weeks ago a couple shared a story from their lives. The spoke about a little Brazilian girl that was here at the base in Hawai'i in December. I think I remember the girl's name being "Hakima." Hakima was born to a couple of parents in a native tribe buried in the land of the Amazon. She was a girl in a long line of boys. The boy that was right before her began to show signs of infirmity arounf the age of 2. According to tribal tradition a child that was sick around birth or childhood is supposed to be killed by the parents. The belief is that if the child continues living, then it'll bring bad luck on the community. The tribe was closing in on the parents pretty hard, but then Hakima came along. Everyone was so excited about this delightful little girl that they forgot about attempting to get rid of her brother. Something happened, though, when Hakima was around 2 years, she started showing similar symptoms. Now the tribe pushed the parents to kill their 2 children. The parents could not bear the thought, but didn't know how to face it anymore. They chose to eat a poisonous fruit, and they died. Now, the pressure and responsibility fell on the eldest brother. The brother followed the custom. He hit both of his siblings on the head with a club, buried them alive, and left them. He didn't know what else to do. He had other siblings to think about. Their welfare was dependent on the tribe.

Well, Hakima awoke, and sobbed with her cries rising through the shoveled dirt. Someone hears her whimpering and dug her back out. She was taken to her grandfather, and, of course, he knew what he had to do. He stood her up, pulled back a chord, and shot an arrow at her chest. Grandfather could not bear the thought of what he had done, he also chose to eat that poisonous fruit. Well, the Lord was fighting for them both. Someone passed buy, and found both grandpa and granddaughter lying there. He was made to throw up, and her arrow missed her heart. Both continued in life. Please, check out this website to hear more of it... www.hakani.org

why am I here?

2007-12-04T11:02:00.000+07:00

At our training today we were asked to look over "the YWAM leader's preamble." We were to pick out aspects of that preamble that we feel were strong in and look for those aspects that we need work in. The transparency seen in each individual as they shared what they saw as strengths and weaknesses was an amazing moment to realize the desire for these people to be continually changed into the vessel God wants them to be. One of the other questions as to why we're here shocked me in a moment of uncertainty. How could I succinctly convey why I'm here? Why did I choose to staff a Discipleship Training School rather that return directly to Cambodia? I guess this it the answer my heart came to...
I'm from the "Bible Belt." I come from a town that a church is an easy thing to come across... oftentimes in a 3 block walk from your home. I come from a place that Christian morals are an expected way of life even if the belief in Christ doesn't exist for that individual. That is a statement that could be made about all of American society, but it seems to be magnified in our wonderful Southern states. This morning my thoughts went to this... I know many people who confess to belief in Christ, but I don't know near as many people that actively pursue a life of discipleship following Jesus. Jesus' words to the James and John are His words to us as well... "come, follow me." Jesus spoke as a rabbi to his disciples, and that Truth is what I desire for more people to understand. I want to be a part of individuals coming into a new identity and grabbing a hold of a new driving force for their life.
yep. that's why I'm here, and I'm getting excited about what it's going to look like from one day to the next.

First full day in Kona...

2007-12-04T10:42:00.000+07:00

So, yeah, I'm in Kona. When I was getting off the airplane yesterday I just kept repeating myself to God, "Are you serious??" "Am I really here?" Throughout today I've thought of many things to share in this first blog. As much as I love stories, I'll attempt to spare you all the little things I've been thinking and experiencing today. I guess just to convey what "it looks like" I'll tell a little bit about what I know so far.
At the moment I'm in a dorm room with 5 other roommates. One is from England and the others are all from the States. Two are headed to Rwanda in about 2 weeks, and two are headed to Capetown, South Africa. The fifth came in on the same plane as me yesterday and will be staffing the "South East Asia focus Discipleship Training School" with me. She has been with YWAM for about 3 years; her last year was spent developing a counseling center in Fiji.
At our staff training today we were blessed by the passion in people that have been in YWAM for a few months to 15 years or more. The people on our staff for these upcoming DTS schools range from so many countries and an incredible surplus of passions to see God's people walking in their identity in HIM alone. I'm getting more and more excited with each passing moment.

excited??

2007-11-17T03:18:00.000+07:00

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited. "Are you getting excited?" Excited to leave, excited to do that which God has called me to do... am I? Well, I guess the best response I have is that I have a lump in my throat. Whether I am talking to a customer or to my friends I have a lump in my throat; It's pretty much refusing to go away. Speaking about it is actually stirring a nervousness in my stomach.

I am so excited and simultaneously scared. I can't wait and yet I want it to be further away. I want more time with my family, but I can't wait to meet my students.
All this should convey the fact that my emotions are a mix... a mix of letting go to look forward and holding on wanting not to forget. Most importantly (and why I hesitate to say for fear of tears) I have relationships to transition. I have to say an overall "see ya later" to my world in Memphis.

Right now the excitement in intermingled with brokenness. All of it is compiled in hopeful anticipation.

the day before...

2007-10-29T06:21:00.000+07:00

Ok, so I teach 1 Peter tomorrow. I've gone from being incredibly overwhelmed to extraordinarily excited to peaceful, and now I'm back to overwhelmed... only slightly now, though. I was telling my friend Mike the other day and told him that I felt like my plate was overflowing. It wasn't the whole cup overflowing with wonderful things from the Lord kind of thing. It was honestly the icky feeling of being overwhelmed that makes little and large things seem insurmountable. Now I'm a little more than 12 hours away from beginng my little teaching and I'm chatting with a wonderful old friend. I'm still going to go back to my room to look over all of my stuff and then... pray.
When I came through here after finishing SBS in MT I had asked Jim (base director at YWAM Ozarks) if there was a book I could teach in their upcoming SBS. He was excited at the idea of one of his students wanting to come teach and I was excited at the opportunity to walk out what I had been learning. That's definitely the whole idea behind what I want to do in Cambodia, but I felt that was a long wait before putting it all in motion.
Let me tell you
#1 God has provided an immense amount of unexpected opportunity for me to teach while I've been home - mostly in the "untraditional" ways.
#2 "home" and everything that means took a lot more time in my head and heart than I expected... leaving a lot less to hang out with 1 Peter.

I still feel good about it, though. I've learned so much. I've been humbled and challenged so much. I hope I can take it all with me into that classroom tomorrow. What's even more... I know what it takes to study and teach in the way I'd like to. I have seen how God speaks to you in quiet hours if you make it known to Him you'd like to hear. He tells us time and again that He is always present and ready to disciple each of us in his Fatherly way. I'm learning again how much I desire and appreciate His tender touch.

Don't hesitate to keep praying. I'll still need it. Oh, and check out my friend's page. She's the one teaching tomorrow as well.

http://victoriavolkman.com/

1 Peter

2007-10-27T09:34:00.001+07:00

Oh My, I'm SO excited. This past Sunday I was chatting with a friend in MT and we were in agreement that the idea of teaching Monday is overwhelming. This is her first year as SBS staff, so this is her first teaching as well. Last night I was reading Twelve Ordinary Men by John McArthur and was excited all over again at the personalities of the apostles. McArthur calls Peter the "disciple with the foot shaped mouth." We all know why. Peter was the first to state Christ for who he really is - Christ, the Son of the living God (Mt 16:16). He's also the one that denied him - 3 TIMES. He was human. He knew God, and faltered. He walked with Jesus, and started sinking. Jesus knew this about him from the very beginning. He changed his name at the onset of his calling reminding him everyday that there is a man he WAS and a man he SHOULD BE. Through those years he knew Jesus deeper and more intimately than anyone, yet the Gospels show his full, complete faith being something that still took deepening along the way... just like your's and mine.

What's simply amazing to me is Acts 2. It's Peter that stood up and preached like no one before or after him. When "it" finally clicked, when he really knew Jesus for everything Jesus had shown himself to be Peter was fired up and went out battling from that point on. That's encouraging to me. It's a common thing that we can hear the message and be charged by our pastors and discipleship leaders to live more of God and less of ourselves each day. It's also common for us to desire it. It's also common for us to fall short. Peter did. Paul did.

Peter was "Cephas," the Rock. He was also Simon... the man he knew himself to be before Christ entered the picture. We shouldn't feel anything less of ourselves with the realization of another stumble we've made. We should remember that there in the future we'll continue to grasp more of God that we will be filled to walk it out more and more. There was a catalyst in Peter's life that is free to us as well - the Holy Spirit... our counselor. I want to know the Trinity more that I can live radically as Peter finally began to. That's his urge to us in 1 Peter - yes, there's suffering, but there's a future treasure and a future hope, AND there's an enduring Spirit in the interim.

A week before the lesson...

2007-10-23T02:39:00.000+07:00

Goodness, the last week has been a whirlwind. I keep attempting to remind myself of how many times God says for us to be still (Ps 46:10 for example), but I simultaneously feel overwhelmed with the desire to spend as much time with family and friends… and then there is work and crucial organization details that need to be tended to. Since I’ve been home this summer I had the opportunity to attend The Call – worship and intercession in Nashville, and do the little things like playing soccer with my niece and nephew. I am teaching 1 Peter at the SBS (School of Biblical Studies) in Ozark, AR a week from today. Please, be with me in prayer this week as I continue to gather information for my teaching as well as continue to format what I have. One of my friends in MT is doing her first teaching the same day so we’ve committed to pray and intercede for each other as this week is going along. Preparing for this first teaching is pretty intimidating. I’m hoping the intimidation factor lessens as I teach more and more.

P.S. I just talked to a Pastor friend of mine. Apparently the butterflies never go away. Good to know.

memphis, huh?

2007-09-15T05:22:00.001+07:00

So, as you have gathered through emails, phone calls, and visits... I am enjoying my time here at home. I've had the opportunity to work a lot at Hueys, but God has helped me to say "No" when the work conflicted with time I knew I should hold tightly for Him and the people I love so dearly. I was offered an additional job at the Pink Palace, but I knew I shouldn't take a job just to make myself feel better about working more. It's always been tough not working endless hours. That's a habit I grew very accustomed to all too early in life.

In the last few weeks amazing things have happened...

An old friend from my days at Trilogy (tattoo shop in Memphis) accepted Christ about 2 weeks ago. His new-found relationship with Christ has affirmed my heart as well as given me new eyes when I read God's word. My friend is literally a whole new man and his enthusiasm as he sifts through the old person he was propels me forward in my relationship with the Lord as well. He read a Spiderman comic that included God showing Spiderman a beach covered with the men, women, and children of all ages that his life has effected. My friend thought to himself and realized that he would have a beach full of people as well, but the the effect he has left on others' lives has been that of maliciousness and evil. In a fail swoop the Lord revealed Himself in a miraculous way that produced a desire in my friend's heart to have that beach picture washed away in the tide and have clean sand to paint another scene. This reminded me how much everything I do effects those around me and I hope for a Spiderman-like image one day.

A few days before this man's conversion I had the opportunity to be at a friend's house when one of our buddies came over. Lil Eric has always been very vocally against anything not agreeing with science and every aspect of his interpretation of Darwin. He's stubborn, and makes a point to research his thoughts over and over. Needless to say... this has been a tough cookie to crack. Well, in our conversation the other day he admitted to the new realization that "there's something to be said about this whole God thing." I snickered and gave him a very knowing look. He said that he's still "looking into it," but admitted he's starting to lean.

All of this has given me an incredible sense of elation in my heart. I've always known God put me where He put me for a reason. I'm so thankful he's giving me "fruit" to be encouraged by even while I'm home for this short time.
(that's Lil Eric and I in the picture)

the future...

2007-06-12T05:21:00.000+07:00

I’ll be back in Memphis soon. It’s about 3-4 weeks and counting! I’m getting so excited to hug on “the babies” again (Kaitlyn and Riley). I guess I’m pretty excited to see the rest of my family as well. :o) I’m planning on working at Huey’s once again.

I am praying about when to return to Cambodia. I have been tentatively thinking about September for quite a while, but I’m not sure. I would like to stay in Memphis until January if God allows. That will give me time in Memphis to spend with family and work to pay off debt I’ve accrued over the last 2 years. I know I’ll have to ask people to come alongside me to invest in my heart for Cambodia, but I’d like to do as much as I personally can as well. I have a growing heart for Memphis, and there are numerous passions bubbling in my heart that I’d like to pray into and hopefully get the ball rolling on before I leave for Southeast Asia. Please, be praying for my wisdom in all of this. I want to make sure I go when the Lord wants me to go. No matter what “good ideas” I have to stay in the States longer than expected, it’s important to me that I go when the Lord wants me too. Late obedience is still disobedience.

I’d like to hear what you think of all this. Please, don’t ever hesitate to write and email if you desire. As much as I am praying and waiting, I fully believe that He’s put people in my life to speak wisdom and truth to my ears. I love to learn from other, and I want you all to be a part of what I’m doing as much as possible.

rachel_sumner7@hotmail.com

Heart Wide Open

2007-02-01T09:52:00.000+07:00

Heart Wide Open
My heart open wide
For all the world to see
I didn’t know this would happen
The closer I let You get to me
I’m trembling and fighting
So hesitant developing my story
Fear and heartache
Working together for Your glory
My heart open wide
For all the world to see
Dreams, Visions, Miracles
What do You have for me?
Communicative then silent
Sobs and shaking
Each day is a witness
To my heart breaking
My heart open wide
For all the world to see
Necessary submission to You
To make me who I need to be
Sumner
12/04/06

"friend raising"

2007-02-01T09:38:00.000+07:00

The Biblical Studies that I’m having the opportunity to do right now it so crucial to my being able fully share the Truth wherever God leads my feet. At this moment in time, there is a very concrete picture in tact. I plan to teach this same school in Battambang, Cambodia. This school is a needed puzzle piece for me to walk confidently into the mission field (this time, out of Memphis). God’s working in what I could call my life story has been instrumental in my telling about the faithfulness of my Father. I’ve always told people that I can rest confidently in the presence of God in my life by looking backwards through the lens of my days. Now, I feel God has called me to know more, to begin to know fully how my story fits in with His Story. We, as Christians, are called to realize that we are only part of the story. It’s through our faith that the patriarchs’ faith is made complete (Hebrews 11). “Yet all these, thought they were commended for their faith, did not receive what was promised, since God provided something better so that they would not, APART FROM US, be made perfect,” Hebrews 11:39-40). Please, as it’s hard to understand the need for one to support me as I make myself a student, don’t hesitate to ask how I feel God is using this to better me as His servant.